The Biggest Loser briefly becomes not the most boring show on TV

Like Mark Lemke in the 1991 World Series, sometimes things that are usually so woefully below average have an out-of-body experience and briefly become something completely brilliant and awesome. Last night was like that for the NBC program The Biggest Loser (CLICK). 

Oh, SNAP!

"Why don't you tell me what you mean, Jillian?" Effing classic.

Diary of Fools Recommends...

A look into what you need to be watching, reading or listening to right now.

What: Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, a hysterical 2004 British television series made to be a parody of both bad '80s action TV shows and the horror genre.

Where: Currently on DVD. All episodes available on YouTube.

More: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garth_Marenghi's_Darkplace

Gordy meets the Pope

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A letter from Blaine Fridley

Hello,

We here at the Diary of Fools pride ourselves in entertaining you with nothing but original material. However, every so often we come across something so incredibly AWESOME, that it simply can not be ignored. This would be one of those times.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Diary of Fools presents the reunion of the quintessential animatronic cover band of the 80's...Showbiz Pizza Place's Rock-afire Explosion!


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Yes. It seems a very special individual completely gave up on ever getting laid and instead put that time and energy into resuscitating the greatest collection of musical animal robots to ever grace the stage of a shitty pizzeria arcade. And the Diary of Fools could not be more thankful.

Anal fisting, Jesus and you!

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Celebrity Day Planner: Notorious B.I.G.

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Diary of Fools Newswire

Dead horse found beaten beyond recognition; media suspected

1st Annual Diary of Fools "That's Web-tastic!" Award

There are times when surfing the Internet that you stumble across a website that reminds you of just how incredible the Internet can be. A website obviously devoted to breaking barriers, to stretching the limits of what we previously thought could be done with this amazing technology. And it is for those websites that the Diary of Fools created the "That's Web-tastic!" Award, to be given annually to the website that rocks the cyber community to its very core and changes the possibilities of where people thought the Internet could take humanity.

With that in mind, it is a great pleasure to give the first annual Diary of Fools "That's Web-tastic!" Award to: http://www.centex.net/~elliott/unicorn.html. One click and I think - nay - I KNOW you will agree.

Never, and I mean NEVER, has unicorn art and the Casio keyboard come together as divinely as they do on this page.

Opinions are like A-holes...

...everybody has one, and just like A-holes, most are just a conduit for passing large steaming piles of turd. Like this unbelievable review I stumbled upon of a Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode by a brilliant Netflix user, for instance (for those not familiar with the MST3000 premise, please school yourself here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mystery_Science_Theater_3000 ahhh, Wikipedia. The "Sex Panther" of online reference tools. "60% of the time, it's right every time").

The review reads like this:

"I would have loved the movie if it wasn't for that Joel (or was it Mike?)Hodgson and friends. Their comments during the movie - making it impossibleto hear the movie itself! - ruined the movie!! I had seen this movie yearsago and wanted to see it again because I had really liked it then. But, withthese MST3000 people talking all through the movie, you couldn't hear athing that was actually going on in the movie. All you could hear was theMST people! Very disappointing for me! To make things worse, none of theircomments were funny - with the exception of one single place in the movie!Stupid, yes, but not funny. I'll never order anything else that has MSTattached to it. My husband feels the same way. I would like to make acomment about another review for this movie I read. A Norma Jennings said,and I quote, "er dirty dad er, or is it boyfriend (its the backwoods -what's the diff?", end quote. I take exception to that remark. I am from thebackwoods, and there is a heck of a lot of difference! Anyway, the movie wasa waste of time because of the MST people, therefore I have to rate it withjust one star, "hated it". If I could get it without these MST people, oranyone else, making comments about it all through the movie, I would." http://www.netflix.com/StrangerReviews?prid=561649078&lnkctr=MDP2RL

If only the technology existed for me to reply to this reviewer by sending her a swarm of ill-tempered bees via broadband. Didn't like MST3000 because she "couldn't hear over all the remarks"?! WTF, lady!

That's like writing a review that says "Yeah, I really would've enjoyed Showgirls if only the razor-sharp dialogue wasn't constantly interrupted by all that gratuitous nudity."

That's all I have to say about that.

Yours Truly,
Blaine Fridley

Snapshots by Blaine Fridley

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Happy National Hangover Day!

Seasons Greetings!

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Stoner Confucius says...

Crime Beat

Police sketch reveals 85% of young African-American males were in involved in recent mugging.

Male model impregnates Halle Berry, anxiously awaits tangible proof that he had sex with Halle Berry

By Blaine Fridley

For years, Gabriel Aubrey begged anyone who would listen to believe him. But for the male population of planet Earth, his words seemed to be a proclamation of the impossible – consensual genital to genital contact with Halle Berry.

Sure, the 32-year old male model has had his fair share of sexual encounters with beautiful women, but to claim intimate relations with Halle Berry seemed to be a grossly absurd cry for attention.

Even though the painfully attractive Berry has been seen and photographed with various “boyfriends” over the years, the scientific community has long held the belief that even the very sight of a naked Halle Berry would cause a human male’s crotch to violently explode. This theory was backed up in 1994 when the crotches of 4 lab rats spontaneously combusted after viewing sketches of what scientists thought an unclothed Berry would look like.

Additionally, in 2001, over 1,800 men were hospitalized after their crotches exploded while viewing Berry’s topless scene in the movie Swordfish.

“It’s completely unbelievable,” said biologist James Ralpheson. “His is truly an accomplishment to be celebrated and remembered,” he continued before adding, “That lucky son of a bitch.”

Aubrey, who confessed to keeping his eyes closed and picturing a naked Michael Moore in order to "keep his shit together" during intercourse with Berry, echoed the enthusiasm of the scientific community, calling it “the greatest achievement of my life…and not to be cocky or anything, but it’s quite possibly the greatest achievement of mankind. No matter what happens between Halle and myself, whenever anybody looks at this kid, it’ll be a living reminder that I had sex with Halle Berry. Eat that, Tyrese.”