High Comedy Anachronism Presented By Ciroc Ultra Premium Vodka

by Blaine Fridley, Living to see the day when Diddy is broke

BAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA{coughcoughhackcoughcough}

ha...ha...haaaaa{breathe, breathe}

Oh, man...

{breathe, wipe tears}

... sorry about that. Haha... wooooo, boy.

You just caught me watching Diddy's most recent video, and it begs the question: is there anything more comically out of place than Diddy-being-Diddy in the midst of an economic disaster?

Diddy himself answers that question with a resounding and completely clueless "NO!" in the video for his latest song(?) "Diddy Bop"/ Vodka commercial.

Here, take a look:

baaaaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHahaha. ha. ha.

Ahem.

Again, sorry about that.

Where to even start?

Um…

How 'bout FUCKING EVERYWHERE. Jesus Butt-Fucking Christ on a tea-bagging Buddha this is bad.

Really bad.

I bet even Ma$e is embarrassed for you Diddily-Doo.

Just based on this Hypnotized-meets-Soulja Boy anal mucous-covered monstrosity, we can assume that Sean "Puffy-PuffDaddy-PDiddy-Diddy" Combs has absolutely no friends.

Not one.

How could a friend honestly look him in the face and say, "Yeah, Diddy! That shit is HOT!"

Anybody that would say that is definitely on his payroll. And I'm assuming if you're hanging out with this fucking turd you have to be getting paid for it, or else, what are you getting in return for your soul?

This shit doesn't even get off the goddamn launching pad before it blows up like the hip-hop Challenger. That's when we see that Diddy Bop is proudly presented to us by Ciroc Ultra Premium Vodka.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Look, I grew up in a Midwestern suburb. I'm not exactly sure what "street cred" means really. But I am 100% sure you have zero.

Criminal Minded Presented by Twizzlers!

Not only do you start the video with a pitch for Vodka, you make it part of the motherfucking chorus!

And I quote:

Diddy, Diddy
Do the Diddy Bop
Diddy Bop
Lemonade and Ciroc

You're advertising another product ON YOUR OWN FUCKING COMMERCIAL.

Do you know how completely retarded this makes you look?

No, of course you don't. We just went over that.

Well, let me clue you in, then.

It makes you look about as completely fucking retarded as you look when you're "rapping" about your furs, Prada, private islands and yacht-racing with hoez while companies are shedding more jobs then Bad Boy is credible artists.

Fuck. You.

And worst of all, you didn't even write this shit:

Even under my umbrella

I keep bitches wetter than floods

or

Naked broads brush my teeth with solid gold brushes

or my fist-fuckingly-fabulous favorite:

I'm somethin' special,

look at me

I'm something special

(HAHAHAHAHA... Just in case you didn't get that after 3 minutes of him hammering you over the head with money, hoez and clothes.)

Yeah.

You PAID somebody to "write" that. Or, more accurately, some enterprising ghostwriter straight hustled you, Diddler.

But you're too fucking stupid to realize that.

Just like you're too fucking stupid to realize that Biggie became a legend inspite of your ass, not because of it. So stop raping his legacy by appearing in every video with a B.I.G. t-shirt. You're about as responsible for his success as Mike Brown is for Lebron James'.

So again, in closing, you're tacky and I hate you.