A Nightmare on Elm Street

I know how this one's gonna go.
I don't have to see it to know.
Though Fred wants to thrill us,
We'll look up, shout, "Kill us,"
And he will look down, whis'pring "No."

How to Train Your Dragon

They're STILL buying tickets for "Dragon"?
I'm shocked that the take isn't saggin'.
It's nice when there's money
In warm, family funny,
Without all the violence or shaggin'.

Date Night

Mistaken identity hoax
Leads Gangsters to threaten some folks.
But then, just like that,
They knock the mob flat...
As flat as the bulk of the jokes.

The Back-Up Plan

A woman of staggering beauty
Considers a baby her duty.
And yet she can't find
A guy who won't mind
A guilty-free ride on her booty?

Furry Vengeance

The title? I thought it was scary.
Admittedly, I am quite wary
Of folks who get stiff
Then cuddle and "yiff"
While wearing a suit that's all hairy.

Limerick Movie Reviews - Week of 03/29 - 05/02 '10

#1 - Clash of the Titans

The son of the gods looks for treaties,
'Twixt humans, and popular deities.
Although it looks rousin'
Poor Ray Harryhausen
Is crying fat tears in his Wheaties.

#2 - Why Did I Get Married Too?

In looking for reasons to marry,
Some couples find quite the contrary.
Some fail, and some don't.
But see this? I won't.
It's just too damn much Tyler Perry.

#3 - How to Train Your Dragon

Some movies have holes in their plots,
With stories all tied up in knots.
Does this one? Of course.
The Vikings were Norse.
But these? They all sound like they're Scots.

#4 - The Last Song

I really enjoy Greg Kinnear,
But he's in a stinker, I fear.
This big pile of fail
Might be the last nail
That shuts the lid on his career.

#5 - Alice in Wonderland

This title's still on the marquee?!?
It seems like forever to me.
At this rate, they're saying
It still could be playing
Long after it hits DVD.

Limerick Movie Reviews: Box Office Top Five - Week of 3/15/10

#1 - Alice in Wonderland

Again number one? Well, so be it.
It seems I'm unable to flee it.
It certainly looks
Like one for the books.
I guess I'll get baked, and go see it.

#2 - Diary of a Wimpy Kid

A junior high kid keeps a journal
With monologues, mostly internal.
Will he get through class
Without a kicked ass?
Can't tell you, but hope springs eternal.

#3 - The Bounty Hunter

Although Gerry Butler's the shit,
He desp'rately needs a new hit.
Or else he'll be sticking
To yelling and kicking
Some dude toward a bottomless pit.

#4 - Repo Men

Your heart was received from a donor?
Then be a responsible owner,
Or it's repossessed
Right out of your chest.
And no, sir, you don't get a loaner.

#5 - She's Out of My League

A gorgeous and buxom young bunny,
Goes out with a "nice guy" who's funny.
It's cute, but a lie.
The weird-looking guy?
It's not even like he had MONEY.

Limerick Movie Reviews: Box Office Top 5, 03/01 - 03/05

"Alice in Wonderland"

Instead of like being on acid,
This flick is surprisingly placid.
It's trite, and it's bland.
I don't understand...
Has Burton gone mentally flaccid?

"Brooklyn's Finest"

I'm feeling a little perplexed.
Is Tinseltown going off-text?
A film about COPS?
They've pulled out the stops!
Will shows about doctors come next?

"Shutter Island"

A home for the creepy insane,
Is hoping the Feds can explain:
Of all of their nutters
The Island of Shutters
Had one that it couldn't contain.

"Cop Out"

Although I have heard this is neat,
My screening is yet incomplete.
I sit down and try?
The usher comes by,
And says I'm too fat for my seat.

"Avatar"

I wish that this movie would die.
I'd sure like to bid it good-bye.
Not even the shocker:
"Best Picture - Hurt Locker"
Has kept it from placing this high.

Limerick Movie Reviews: Top 5 - Week of March 1st

Shutter Island

Scorcese has done it again.
A crazy locked up in the pen
Has made it all kooky,
And ghostly and spooky,
Confusing some government men.

Cop Out

Some cops get in oodles of fights,
'Cuz black folks are "different" than whites?
I guess Kevin Smith
Should only work with
Directing the flicks that he writes.

The Crazies

A toxin gets into the water,
And suddenly, hicks start to slaughter
The whole bloody town.
You'd better lock down
Your husband, friend, son, wife or daughter.

Avatar

The screens it continues to play,
Still rake in the bucks to this day.
I still haven't seen it.
No, really. I mean it.
I wish it would just go away.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

A boy who's unknowingly heir
To blood with some power to spare
Is mentored and steered
By old guy with beard...
I feel like I've seen this, but where?!?

Limerick Movie Reviews: This Week's Box Office Top 5

"Dear John"

"The Notebook" was schmaltzy and sappy,
But made lots of lady-types happy.
And this horrid blighter
Is from the same writer.
So if you're a fellow? It's crappy.

"Avatar"

A planet so verdant and green,
Is raped by the merchant marine.
But when they attack,
The natives fight back.
But THIS one, you've already seen.

"From Paris With Love"

A terror conspiracy sprawled
Across all of France has appalled
Our own F.B.I.
So they sent a guy.
Travolta, all pudgy and bald.

"Edge of Darkness"

When playing the role of a critic,
To say that Mel Gibson's arthritic
Is easy to gather.
And so I would rather
Remind you: He's anti-Semitic.

"The Tooth Fairy"

It seems every star who does action
At some point will have an attraction
To kid-friendly fare.
But why? It's so SQUARE.
And never brings much satisfaction.