1806: Having reached the Pacific Coast, explorers Lewis and Clark began their journey back east. 4 expedition members would die on a return trip that ended up taking 3 times longer than originally expected, thanks to Clark's insistence on seeing the world's largest ball of twine.1868: Governor Haight of California signs into law a provision that establishes the University of California, which persists to this day as a refuge for draft-dodging hippies, simpering dicks who smoke twice their weight in pot per year, and major-changing slugs who'd rather take surfing classes than emerge from the cozy, beer-filled, amniotic sac of academia into even the topsy-turvy bizarro-land that passes for the "real world" on the West Coast.
1775: Patrick Henry delivers his well-known pro-revolution speech at St. John's Church in Richmond, Virginia. His passionate words and delivery are usually credited with having convinced the Virginia House to pass a resolution committing troops to the Revolutionary War. Tragically, however, upon Henry's closer of, "Give me liberty, or give me death!", Rep. Clancy Q. Whiskerbottom of Felcher's Grove, a noted obstructionist, promptly stood up from his chair and shot him.
"For chrissakes, you assholes! It was a metaphor!"
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