Today in Inappropriate Toys

Nope. Nosiree, Bob. I don't see anything at all wrong with this. Anyone who can look at this and see anything at all except a perfectly innocent childrens' plaything? Frankly, those people are sickos, and I want nothing to do with them.


Let me reiterate: that glistening, pink, invitingly beckoning "rosebud" aperture on the right is in NO way meant to be a simulacrum of the initial stop on the mid-town lady-tunnel. No. Nein. Uh-uh. Those ruffled, parted, suggestively moist petals are NOT labia, despite what your Rorschach gland may be telling you. Any rumors to the contrary are totally false. It is JUST A TOY, and doesn't represent anything. Much in the same way that this fucking thing is nothing more than what it appears to be.

Honestly, you do sort of wonder how these things make it out of concept...much less past prototype and to market. You have to think that the Chinese folks on the line where these things get put together are wondering: "What's the rationale behind the tiny faerie homunculus next to the giant, yawning vulva? Is she supposed to go IN there? If so, why? And furthermore, what's the significance of the little disembodied testicle on the left? What does it all mean?" It's no wonder Western culture confuses so many people who aren't from here.

That said, I do kinda dig the clit piercing.

Your Headlines for Monday February 8

Entertainment
Dear John replaces Avatar atop the Box Office charts, proving once and for all women are responsible for everything that's terrible in entertainment. I think its their emotions, which they totally can't control. I blame their vaginas.










Sports
Football game played in South Miami last night. NFL buys rights to the word 'Super' (and because contractually we can not mention the next word within twelve words) 'Bowl,' in (and again contractually we can't legally mention the city in which it is played in with in a certain word limit) 'Miami.' However, this is notable because Kendra Wilkenson left the stadium looking like this because her husband basically lost the game for the Colts. Which is remarkable because he only played one play. Hats off, Hank. (Is she wearing a colts snuggie underneath? If so, awesome.)










Internet
Right Wing Blogger sets record for fastest off-color John Murtha comment. 29 seconds after death, updates his blog that congressman "won't be clambering for damned government doctors anymore."