If you laugh at this, you're going to hell.

But, at least I'll see you there.

McCain Fellates Veteran on Live Television

@8:45 of this video, he does everything but offer to wash this dude's ballsack with a warm, moist velveteen cloth:

Which led to this text exchange between my wife and a friend, quite possibly the best exchange since the advent of texting technology:

Wife: "Wow. McCain should've just sucked that
veteran..."

Friend: "Nah chill...no way he coulda done that with Reagan's,
Roosevelt's and Brokaw's dicks in his mouth."

Election 2008: The VP Debate

by Blaine Fridley

So far I've sat through one RNC speech, two hilariously painful interviews that she had weeks to prepare for and now a debate, or rather make that a "debate". And from those wonderful opportunities to define herself to the American public, this is what I know about Sarah Palin:

1. Like McCain, she's a maverick.

2. Her lack of syntax, folksy "ya betchas" and "ya darn rights" mixed with an ability to meld unrelated talking points into meandering, convoluted, mega run-on sentences all team up to make my head hurt very badly.

3. Did I mention the McCain/Palin ticket is a team of mavericks? Well, if I didn't, just ask Sarah Palin a question, ANY question, and she'll be sure to bring it up 3-7 times within her answer:

So, Gov. Palin, what Top Gun character would you say you would model your vice presidency after?

"Maverick."

And your favorite NBA franchise?

"Mavericks."

Mel Gibson movie?

"Mad Max. HA! You thought I was going to say Maverick didn't you? Well, I didn't…because I'm a maverick!"

Are you aware that you're a vapid wasteland of nonsensical ramblings?

"I'm gonna have to look up the definition of vapid and get back to YA."

I loathe you.

"Maverick."

We all know there's only ONE Maverick. And he looks amazing playing topless beach volleyball in skin-tight jeans. 

Last night, in the first and only scheduled VP debate, fans of schadenfreude and train wrecks everywhere tuned in to see what we thought was going to be the inevitable Palin breakdown. 

Ultimately though, we were let down. The catastrophic embarrassment many of us were hoping for did not happen. Instead, we had to settle for just regular ol' embarrassment. Nothing really worth bumping The Office for, anyway.

It's that subterranean bar that has led people to speak of Palin's Thursday night performance as competent. I can think of one "c-word" to describe Palin, and it sure as hell isn't competent.

From Ezra Klein on Prospect.org: 

"Palin turned in a genuinely competent performance, and Biden turned in a superlative one."

Marc Ambiner on Atlantic.com:

"Averaging expectations, style and points, it was a wash. Partisans have reason to be satisfied; I honestly have no idea how undecided voters will react…"

Adding: "…she did nothing negatively indelibly memorable, and, at times, was positively impressive."

Washington Post:

"Palin, who struggled with questions in televised interviews, came to Thursday's debate well briefed. She did not stumble over names of foreign leaders. . She had quick comebacks when Biden challenged her or went after McCain."

The Guardian:

"Palin defies critics and delivers punchy performance in debate against Biden."

The New York Times:

"By surviving her encounter with Senator Joseph R. Biden Jr. and quelling some of the talk about her basic qualifications for high office, she may even have done Senator John McCain a bit of good, freeing him to focus on the other troubles shadowing his campaign."

Were we watching the same debate?

Just because Palin didn't shit her pants and then, terror-stricken, stare into the camera until her head blew up like that scene in Scanners, doesn't mean her performance was competent:

In fact, it was FAR from it. Here's a typical response from last night's debate:

Now doggone it? 

What are you, an 1840s prospector?

"Our schools have really got to be ramped up in terms of funding…"

…and you plan on doing that by NOT raising taxes while simultaneously

hemorrhaging billions of dollars in Iraq?

"I come from a house full of school teachers…"

Really? Are they the ones who taught you about sentence structure and verbal punctuation? 

Limited talking points and broad ideas with not even an attempt at further clarification. This is all we got last night. If this were a high school debate class, she would've received a D+…maybe.

Gordy the Gadfly Goes to the Debates!

That's right, kids! It's time once again for another visit from everyone's favorite rabble-rouser, Gordy the Gadfly! So sit back, relax, and try to ignore the fact that he just shit on your steak.