U of M(orons)

Each year at around this time, the University of Minnesota hosts its Spring Jam, a three-layered celebration of the rebirth. At the core, there's the contemptuous student body, angry and stressed after a semester of annotated bibliographies, geographic term memorization, and overt repression. (Seriously, dude, we gotta take this to the streets.) This is surrounded by the fleshy innards that is the student psyche: a desire to make an lasting impression in the world but no tools to implement this change (except a binge drinking habit and some matches). To top it off, there is the glaze of the fest aura itself: Drunk kids partying and listening to music outside in the rainy 45-degree weather. Put it all together, you have the makin's of some serious social upheaval...or at least a small bonfire and some tear gas.

Watch the local news story here.

Highlights: 1)(0:49 remaining) Either this guy was walking straight towards a gun barrel or he had no idea what he had coming. In any event, it's pretty hilarious.

2)(0:15 remaining) Thoughts from the newsroom editor: "All right, gang. This shot doesn't illustrate the causation of the story as a whole, but we're still going to include it. As a duty to our community, we have to belittle the young-adult populace so as to boost our own importance. Mass Media 101. Any questions?"

3)(0:10 remaining) Same as no. 2, only after Student McTard got done with that display of eloquence, some drunk douche from the background should have started the slow clap. "Beautiful, man. Like, that was right on. So mint."