Racist Cartoon Extravaganza

Most folks who get bored with internet access have seem clips of Bugs Bunny fighting "the Japs" or tricking a black Elmer Fudd into losing his clothes in a dice game, but the real gems of racially insensitive (to put it lightly) animation rise out of the more obscure characters, like Flip the Frog. Remember him? Of course you don't.

People took their children to the theater to see stuff like this at one point in time:



Lessons for children:

Chinese people are not to be trusted and have the power to temporarily change gender at will. Also, opium kicks ass.

From Tex Avery:


And again from Ub Iwerks, the man who helped create Mickey Mouse:


We often forget about this side of our cultural history, and when randomly confronted with it, there are several clear stages of reaction: 1. Holy crap is this real? 2. Oh man this is hilarious. 3. Wait, this is real *stunned silence* 4. They let children watch this?

Of course, it is sure possible to go too far in the opposite direction. Do modern children really need to be protected from Hitler's mustache.

This day in Internet Awesomeness

The Japanese do many things correctly.

Add fart escaping to the top of that list.


How To Escape A Fart - Watch more Funny Videos

Wait, is he escaping the fart or stylishly spreading the fart?

Thanks to Darin for the link.

This Day in History: May 21

2000: The National Museum of Health and Medicine in Washington, D.C displays President James Garfield's spine.

2006: The National Museum of Health and Medicine finally figure out why they'd display that man's fucking spine. According to their official release "Warren Harding's Anus was already being rented out to the National Museum of Anatomy and Shiny Things, it seemed like the next best thing."

Cage Match! Ventura v. Hasselbeck, Hannity

Now THIS is what an idealistic 18-year old Blaine Fridley saw when he decided to vote a professional wrestler in as his governor:

And on to Fathead Hannity:

Bonus Hannity Fun Fact: Every episode of Hannity is shot with Google Earth. It's the only way to get a shot wide enough to accommodate his gargantuan Irish head.

Our great, great, great Aunt is found....

It's funny, today I was supposed to be in Berlin, Germany with two of my closest friends. Instead I had to be at home with my crutches and my aching knee. Tomorrow is a Swedish national day, we call it a " red day" because we don't have to go to work and we still gets payed for it.

The name of this day, translated into English would be "Christ Flyer Day". As many of you know we are all atheist in Sweden. Maybe not all, but most of us... still we have a lot of days where we celebrate Christ, even though we like to believe in the big bang and the evolution, and how we are all sprung from animals and higher primates. Sure, that doesn't give us much to pray to when we have tough times. And we have no one to thank but ourselves and maybe people around us when something good happens.

So where am I going with this? Well, in 1980s- Germany a fossil- nicknamed Ida- was found and claimed to be a "missing link" between today's higher primates - monkeys, apes and humans. The preserved remains of a 47-million - year-old, lemur like creature have just been unveiled in the US.

The investigation of the fossil's significance was led by Jorn Hurum of the Natural History Museum in Oslo, Norway.

He said the fossil creature was "the closest thing we can get to a direct ancestor" and described it as a dream come true. Ida bears a close resemblance to ourselves, with nails instead of claws , a grasping hand and an opposable thumb. Even though some aspects of the teeth indicate she is not a direct ancestor - more of an "aunt" than a "grandmother".

So there you have it. Your great, great, great, great, great (etc.) Aunt is a lemur-like fossil dated 47 million years back. This doesn't explain why we have a day of from work tomorrow in Sweden.

Or why it took 30 years for information to go from Germany to the US.

PEter

Major League Baseball to promote Patriotism, Horrible Irony with Special "American Flag" Designed Apparel.

Major League Baseball long ago found out it had a revenue whore in its identifiable game caps, otherwise known as the 59/50. Soon teams began to wear separate caps at home and on the road. Before long, some teams had up to 4 and 5 different official hats they would wear a year. Not much later, horrible hip hop artists would open another side of Pandora's box in the 'fashion alternate.' A hat that would feature only the team's logo, usually in one color (white/black) set against a color found nowhere on the teams palate. Shown wonderfully by musical disgrace 'Fabolous' (extra fuck you points for making me search how to correctly spell your incorrectly spelled moniker.)

That was all fine and good (terrible.) Years went by, logos got bigger, smaller, some hats didn't even know what logo to pick so they just used both. As a designer, I mustn't hate. I've even been commissioned to make sports hats. There is a huge market in it. Anything that gives designers more cash, I can get behind. Well in theory at least. It's not good taste, but it's a business. We can't all masturbate in a pool of our own ideals.


But of course the aborted baby of this cash cow would soon be forced out of the womb that is this burgeoning industry. Starting a year or two back, during Memorial Day Weekend and Independence Day the league began to superimpose the American flag over each teams logo. All teams forced to wear a Navy hat with Old Glory all up in the team's business. The problem does not lay with patriotism. Not even the poor taste. It's the alarming trend of force-feeding it in the name of some memorial to a game that is best played by people not of this land. Moreover, it's in the way they are aggressively marketed in stores and ballparks everywhere to get another buck out of the dwindling pockets of Joe Sixpack.

But truly, the smoking gun lies in the fact that every team must participate. Including a team with a logo so hilariously outdated it's kept mostly for its kitsch nod to the un-PC past; the Cleveland Indians. The horrific irony of a cartooned Indian with the flag of the government that slaughtered thousands of its people (ya know, the ones it didn't swindle out of its land) is too much for this man to swallow without at least calling attention to it with a middle finger for everyone to see.

So if you want to know how to boil the blood of a relatively well mannered blogger, show up to the ballpark wearing this piece of commercialized dogshit.No word if New Era plans to release yarmulkes emblazoned with Iron Crosses and Swastikas. Stay tuned.

ESPN needs an ESPEnema

Dear Disney,

I didn't think you could hurt me anymore. I'm a 27 year old man, who only recently got over the brutish raping you gave my childhood. I loved "The Little Mermaid", that was until I realized that every single structure in that film is in the shape of a phallic object. Oh, and I just writhed in JOY as I realized the many other "Easter egg" - like sexual innuendos that were prevalent in the masterpieces of yore. It's no wonder that when I witnessed my first pornographic film at the tender age of 12 (thanks older brother) all I could think was, "Meh."

Now you've taken my sports too. ESPN used to be a bastion of hope in my otherwise pathetic existence. Watching great coverage of my local teams nationally, as well as the glib remarks during highlights are now a thing of the past (who can forget Kenny Mayne's "I am the strongest man in all the land!" home run call?) Nowadays, I can't tell which camera Stuart Scott is looking in as he screams , "Kobe Bryant is straight sic dog!". Way to set Black America back a decade or two on a nightly basis Stu.

However, since there are so many personalities of ESPN that are truly detrimental to our way of life that I could go on for pages, so I will only describe the two men who make me want to shove railroad spikes through my eyes.

*Chris "Boomer" Berman

Now, forgetting for a moment that during the NFL season this fat fuck licks Cheese Whiz off of Bret Favre's dick before every Sunday (I guess the idea of impartial professionalism is lost on the likes of you), there are plenty of reasons for him to receive the aforementioned enema. I would rather fuck shards of glass then hear his pompous voice use the same cliched calls for every highlight, for every game. Really Boomer? "He...could...go...fuck himself". Now that would be a nice change of pace. Oh, and by the way, your "witty" name puns...aren't. Randy "A rolling stone gathers no Moss" is not only stupid but...well, fuck you Berman. It's stupid.

We get it Boomer, you like Spiderman

Skipping over Sportscenter, PTI and Around The Horn, (all of which pound the same 3 stories into the ground - thanks 24 hour news cycle! OOh, and please let me know the 30 different ways that Boston and New York are awesome and the rest of us are just grasping the idea of the wheel ) I will finish with my thoughts about the worst person in sports television:

*Baseball Tonight's Karl Ravich: The Czar of Sensationalism

Hey Karl Ravich, you remember that one time when I wrote that I would rather fuck shards of glass than hear Chris Berman speak? Yeah, I'd rather just fuck Chris Berman than watch you dismiss any team that isn't the Yankees, Mets or Red Sox. Really Karl? Lemme guess; in high school you were that nerdy kid that let the cool kids cheat off of you - then assumed you were "in" with them only to realize that at the end of the day you were a used up ineffectual douche. You suck more cock than a Thai Fluffer. What's that Ravich? I can't hear you with your head so far up Dave Winfield's anus. We all know he's a hall of famer, and no, he wasn't one of the greatest Yankees ever. Why don't you ask some more leading questions like, "Do you think A -Rod took performance enhancing drugs, or are you calling me a liar?" Your over-inflated sense of pomposity offends me. I'm pretty sure everyone on set hates you. From Steve Phillips (he will be reviewed in upcoming blogs) to the kid who gets spit on by you because he put 2% milk in your coffee instead of 1%. I hope you get a heavy dose of punched-in-the-neck-by-me-syndrome.

And thank God for the new "Resume" graphic under each analysts name. NOW I trust what they're saying. For all I knew, John Kruk was really level 3 sex offender from New Hampshire. Thanks for ruining my favorite sport ESPN. I think instead I'll go feverishly masturbate to Aladdin and use my tears as lube.

TLC: Programming Gold

Part 1: "18 Kids and Counting", The Duggars Get Their Freak On.

This may come as a shock to some people, but I’m not what one would call “maternal”. I don’t really see the lure; I must admit that sometimes I entertain the thought of possibly liking children, but today I’m sort of thinking that they’re just festering vessels of disease threatening the world with a pandemic of H1N1, swine children. Which is why the programming on TLC is so GD interesting to me; in case you haven’t noticed, every show on TLC has to do with babies, kids, children, los ninos, whatever they’re called. And they all have to deal with a shit load of kids such as “Jon & Kate plus 8” “18 Kids and Counting” “Table for 12” “Kids by the Dozen” and/or/including the incredulous “I didn’t Know I was Pregnant” (yes that is an actual show) “Toddlers & Tiaras”. TLC has got the baby fever and it makes for some programming gold.

I could probably go on forever with each of these shows. “Jon & Kate plus 8” is a video reminder for why I should never get married or have kids. That whole effing family annoys me and drags my spirits down; those kids never shut the hell up. At the end of each episode I want to kill Kate and give Jon his balls back and tell him to run for the nearest exit, sorry kiddies you’re stuck with that biotch Kate. “Table for 12” and “Kids by the Dozen” are just eh whatever. But the real gold lies in “18 Kids and Counting” (my vag just aches writing that shit) and “I didn’t Know I was Pregnant”; “Toddlers & Tiaras” is always fascinating but I had to stop watching because my three sizes too small heart doesn’t agree with that shit, those poor kids (is that maternal?).

For those of you who don’t know who the Duggar family of “18 Kids and Counting” are, let me fill you in real quick. The Duggars are a conservative Baptist family based out of Arkansas. After suffering a miscarriage early in their marriage, the parents Michelle and Jim-Bob (a name you’d only find in America) felt it was due to their use of contraceptives and decided that from then on they would let God decide how many kids they should have. Well, it looks as though God decided to fuck them, because God said 18, for now (I think I only counted 14 in that lovely picture to the left). For the past 20 years, Michelle Duggar has gotten preggo and given birth every year and a half. Which explains the cuckoo look in her eyes and her weird ass chipper voice, how long has it been since she’s had a drink?

The Duggar’s eldest child, Joshua 21, got married last September and his wife, Anna, is already pregnant. As part of their strict conservative Baptist faith, the Duggar’s practice “courtship” rather than dating. Long story short, the Duggar children are only allowed to hold hands with their “date” and are to save their first kiss until their wedding. Wherever they go with their “date” is chaperoned by someone else to make sure nothing questionable happens. On last week’s episode, Josh and his wife took us all along to their first ob-gyn visit, the very same OB doctor Michelle Duggar uses (gross). This disappoints me immensely, but I was unable to find a clip of this hysterical moment. Let me explain what happens, although it will not nearly do this justice.

Josh and Anna are were describing Anna’s morning sickness and her inability to swallow pills and inquired about chewable prenatal vitamins. If you are anywhere near as perverted as I am you’ll have already guessed where this is going. Well, Josh then commented on how Anna can normally swallow and says “She’s like the master of swallowing” then smiles at the camera. Um, excuse me? After I finished pissing my pants from laughing and rewinding the DVR several times I barfed and then cried a little on the inside. I then wondered, if she’s so good at swallowing, how is Anna already preggo so soon into their marriage?

The Duggar children may not kiss before marriage but they sure as shit don’t keep things kosher after they say “I do”. I always imagined that sex with a Duggar would be done through a hole in the sheet, all gross and shit. Turns out, I’m wrong. They get it on, hardcore. My guess is that since they couldn’t kiss before tying the knot, after they do they are super duper freaks. On a side note, I really hope that my mom didn’t read any of this.

DoF Newswire

(Above) A snickering press gallery looks on as a victorious golfer obliges a photographer's request to "kiss it". "Oh, yeah... nice and slow, but look at me while you're doing it, look at me... oh, yeah… now close your eyes and pretend it's a harmonica… yeah... that's nice…"

Great Moments in Fat History: http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

The Diary has always been a champion of the disgustingly delicious delicacies. Whether it be the Bacon Explosion, The Luther Burger, or Canada's own Poutine.

Apparently we've been slacking. A lot.

Thisiswhyyourefat.com basically has made this an art form, if you can actually call this art. Personally, as a fattractive man like myself, I can call this high art. You can keep your post-modern heaps of shit New York, this man will take his Bacon Wrapped French Toast Sticks Stonehenge. To Go.

Actually, I'll just eat it on the toilet to save time.

Introducing myself....

Good morning and good afternoon,

Hello. During the last 20 out of my 30 years on this planet I've been traveling and meeting people from all over. I've been called many things, loved and hated, so on this blog I'll just go under my birthname, PEter.

-To publish my thoughts and opinions on current events in Sweden and Europe?
That was the answer.

I never really got the question, though.

This has made me motivated, has got me driven.
I have so much to say and so much spare time.

I know my grammar isn't there but I hope I'll make my self understood.

The leader of the Tamil Tiger rebels, Velupillai Prabhakaran, is dead.
The war has ended after 26 years and more than 70,000 people killed.

"What?" is probably the first question popping up.

Veluipi who? What war? 70,000?

A few years from now when someone like Steven Soderbergh makes a movie about Sri Lanka and the Tigers, you'll know what happened. I can see the Hoff as a overweight Sri Lankan Tiger screaming "fuck the world," holding an AK and shooting at the army (it will be his most glorious comeback)...

Where would we be without television?

What would we discuss if it weren't for the media?

Stupid is that stupid says...he says.

Stupid is that stupidity follows.......

PEter

Delaware is here to help.

Recently the Delaware Dept. of Transportation decided enough was enough. In this modern-day world where the internet and 800 channels streams us endless information, they found a way to supersede all of it in just one PDF document.

See, we live in trying times. Our dollar is soon to fail, our country seems lost, and worst of all, we treat each other like poopy.

So why not take a second and read some quick tips on how to be more racially diverse and sensitive in this hard world we live in?

Delaware Department of Transportation: "Diversity Spotlight."

Here are some highlights, with our own insight italicized.

When talking to GLBT:

"Never call a coworker a “fag” or “homo.” This is derogatory, rude, and totally insensitive.

I was totally gonna call Merton a Fag-homo in our meeting this week. Glad I didn't, I woulda been DOUBLE insensitive!

When talking to African Americans:

Avoid asking "Should we order fried chicken or watermelon for you?"This is stereotyping and shows ignorance.

This is important to remember. John Marshall has informed us they also like Grape Drink. Don't forget to offer a drink. It'd be rude not to.

When talking to Asian Americans:

Avoid asking "You must be the new IT person." All Asians are not IT professionals.

They also own Chinese buffets and nail salons.

When talking to Older people:

Avoid saying "You know Wal Mart is hiring." This is not funny. An older employee has experience you could benefit from.

I suggest just kindly asking them to die already.

When talking to White People:

Avoid saying "I don’t trust white people; they are all racists." This is stereotyping and totally insensitive. Get to know the person or discuss why the actions may have offended you. Don’t generalize.

But seriously. Those fucking crackers be crazy.

When talking to a Disabled person:

Avoid saying "You don’t need to date; your life will be better without a woman/man causing you trouble." Being disabled does not mean the person is socially challenged.

The disabled have just as much of a right to being miserable as you do.

When talking to a Hispanic/Latino person:

Avoid saying "Can you recommend a good Mexican Restaurant?" This is stereotyping and shows ignorance. All Hispanics/Latinos are not Mexicans.

Besides, they're just going to recommend the Restaurant they work at.


So you see. It can be a minefield out there. Try to use your best judgment.

Now Hear This: You Have Wasted Your Life.

This kid is nine. NINE. I didn't even know how to play with my PENIS properly until I was fucking ELEVEN. And I'm STILL not this good at it.

Why is it that the Japanese insist upon being better than us at EVERYTHING? Frankly, it's kind of starting to piss me off.

Hot Sh!t: Awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Nothing quite sears under the skin of social awkwardness as much as the family photo. Appeasing your mother's need to affirm every person in your family and time stamp it (usually embarrassingly) is something we've all done.

www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com has found the greatest instances of this and reports them daily for your comedic consumption.

Then again, maybe some of these should be used as possible prosecution for crimes not yet committed.

Manchester Community College Preparing Students for the New Economic Reality

Well, it gives you a better shot than an Associate's Degree anyway…

From UPI -

A Connecticut college is offering a non-credit course for students interested in becoming experts on the complicated dice game craps.

Nino Nistri, 68, who is teaching the course at Manchester Community College, said he has been gambling since the age of 11 and has been instructing people on the rules and language of craps since 2000, the Hartford (Conn.) Courant reported Monday.

Nistri said the game can be daunting for an observing novice.

(Above) Manchester Community College internship program.

"People are winning on '7,' losing on '7,' chips are flying, people are yelling and screaming," he said.

The teacher said his class, which begins May 13, will consist of four two-hour sessions and each student will receive a pair of regulation dice, a laminated odds sheet and a copy of Nistri's book on the game, "Craps."

Nistri said he considers craps to be the most exciting casino game.

"When things are going, you can feel the electricity," he said. "It's the best game in the house, in my opinion."