In the greatest annual circle jerk in U.S. politics, President Barack Obama addressed the first joint session of the new congress last night. If you think you missed out, you didn't. It was more tough-talking greedy CEOs, convincing Americans we will survive the economic crisis, and restoring faith that the American Dream is still alive and well. Fortunately, there were some primo quotes uttered as the attendees left the chamber doors. They also had weed brownies and Kool-Aid at the post-address reception.
Nanci Pelosi (D - CA) - "So many standing O's! I felt like a sprightly ninth-grade cheerleader about to run for class president!"
Tom Rooney (R - FL) - "This is my first time. I've never been more excited! I wasn't sure when to clap, so I just watched Orrin Hatch."
Ruth Bader Ginsburg - "That jagoff made me stand up to greet him? Ahh, the nerve! I think I tore some stitches."
Michelle Obama - "Did you see me make sandwich meat out of that poor girl during the awkward hug?! OMG!"
Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger - "Why are they still inviting me to all these political events?"
Joe Biden - "Bored. I just couldn't keep myself from inadvertently toying with my program even though I was plainly visible to the camera the entire time. At least I didn't do the creepy Cheney smile."
Olympia Snowe (R - ME) - "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention...too busy ski poling Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham."
David Axelrod - "For a speech that wasn't written by him, he certainly did a hell of job selling originality and candor. Am I right?! RIGHT?! The 'rod has still got it! Where's the bubbly?..."
Barack Obama - "It's like a goddamn preschool playground in there."
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