Hot Sh!t: So awesome, it actually HURTS.

If you've never bought anything from ThinkGeek.com, excuse me for a moment while I narrow my eyes at you, and regard you with vague suspicion. If you've never even BEEN to ThinkGeek.com, you are so far off my buddy list that it's like you never even fucking existed in the FIRST place.

ThinkGeek is a nerd paradise of super-dorky gadgety shit. And there's so much of it that after just minutes of browsing, anyone who's even dimly aware of the concept of "the internet" will undoubtedly find something there that makes them squeal like a 13-year-old girl who just saw that sparkly vampire movie douchebag hanging around outside the Abercrombie and Fitch. Want some freeze-dried astronaut ice cream? There it is. A pen that's a video spycam? You've come to the right place. An electric t-shirt that has a built-in wi-fi "hot spot" detector? Motherfucker, ThinkGeek will hook. Your. Azz. UP.

Of course you don't need Laser-Guided Scissors. But now, you know that
they exist, and you WON'T BE ABLE TO LIVE WITHOUT THEM. You're welcome.

But recently, they've outdone themselves.

Last April Fool's Day, ThinkGeek featured a gag product. They figured geeks, being smarter than the average bear, would look at a calendar and realize that their collective leg was being pulled. However, they failed to take into account the sheer overwhelming power of raw nerd lust. Within minutes of this very-not-real item showing up on the website, several thousand very-ACTUALLY-real "orders" started pouring in by the bucketload. By mid-afternoon, ThinkGeek had created a phenomenon...and a gigantic P.R. problem. Hell hath no fury like thousands of disappointed nerds with internet access.

The fact was, ThinkGeek had come up with an idea for a product so panty-dampeningly awesome that they should have expected the demand. Problem being, the item in question would be near-motherfucking-impossible to actually produce. Not impossible within the laws of time and space, mind you, but almost. No, what made it damn-near impossible was something typically even LESS flexible than physics: licensing, trademark, and rights issues.

But then something deeply fucking awesome happened.

The actual legal holder of the trademarks it would have been necessary for ThinkGeek to have licensed in order to produce the item caught wind of the kerfuffle. And, lo and behold, they thought this thing was just as pants-shittingly fantastic as the whole rest of the Nerdrosphere. So, phone calls were made. Details were ironed out. And when the dust settled, the item that had started out as a gag and that had inspired thousands of orders was now an actual goddamned thing you could legitimately buy, bring home, and weep hot tears of dweeb joy over.

This is one of the rarest of beasts in all of creation: not just a "win-win," but a triple play - a "win-win-WIN." ThinkGeek was happy. The owner of the trademark was happy. And the nerds? Some of them experienced their first orgasms NOT involving elf porn.

Enough dancing around. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: The Tauntaun Sleeping Bag.

So. Much. Mother. Fucking. WIN.

Yes, the lining has a print which resembles intestines. Yes, the fluffy, lovable head doubles as a pillow. And yes, the zipper pull, which allows you to get inside and experience the life-affirming warmth therein, is a tiny replica of Luke's lightsaber...So you can pretend like you're Han Solo, slicing the sucker open as you kneel upon the perma-frozen tundra of Hoth. SQUEEE!!!

Y'know, I'm not even the world's biggest Star Wars fan, but I am a carbon-based life-form. And Star Wars is like the fucking Beatles...a pop-culture touchstone so universal that even people who claim to hate it at least admit a grudging respect. Suffice it to say, I want THREE of these.

Only in the age of the internet could something like this happen. ThinkGeek cooked this thing up as a gag, and duped up a sample. Nerds everywhere filled streams and rivers with spontaneous genital fluid. And LucasFilm was all like, "Hey, fuck the lawsuit, we want one of those, too. Let's do this." Big ups to them. That exhibits a level of cool that ALMOST makes up for retcon-pasting Hayden Christensen into the ghost trio at the end of the special edition of "Jedi."

(You're still on the hook for Jar Jar though, George. And yes, I'm well aware of the Yoda Backpack. That settles us up on Li'l Vader screaming "YA-HOO!" in "Phantom Menace", but you still have a lot to answer for, you fucking bearded bastard.)


For added fun, say, "And I thought they smelled bad...on the OUTSIDE!" every single time you take this thing away from your kid and huck it into the washing machine. See how long it takes him to start rolling his eyes and mouthing it along with you.