Tragedy and What It Is In Vids: Volume One

Tragedy

I read the news today, oh boy, as I’m sure you did. To say the news was rather sad would be an understatement.

Last night’s tragedy has affected me on a base level that is rarely penetrated. Working my day job has been tedious beyond compare – my mind constantly drifting to this horrible, horrible sadness. Much like Obi-Wan Kenobi, I felt – literally felt – a thousand voices cry out in pain and then immediate silence. My bones are chilled – my sinew stretched. Humanity has suffered a deep wound in its inner thigh and I fear it’s a wound that won’t heal for a year or so. Rallying the troops (i.e. Americans, i.e. fleshpots) is in order more now than ever. Pray with me.

This being the Internet, it goes without saying that you’re already painfully aware. At approximately 11:10 PM yesterday evening, the famed Italian ocean liner, the Andrea Doria, collided with another vessel off the coast of Nantucket Island. The Doria immediately started sinking and was attacked by octopi. The latest report shows that 46 people have perished in this horrific accident, which is 43 more than that NFLstravagant boating accident, involving free-agent defensive lineman Corey Smith. This is undoubtedly being etched into the history books in the “Really, Really Bad” chapter, next to The Spanish Inquisition and Swept Away. The date of July… Twenty-Fif…th… Hmmm… That can’t be right… Nineteen… Fifty-Six?... What the fuck? That’s 52 years ago. This has got to be a mistake. John Boy, what do you make of this?


No, not you… Get me Johnny T-T.


"What's Up, Gener?"

The fucking Doria sank 52 years ago? Did you know that? You said your friend told you it sank last night.


"My friend says a lot of things. Sometimes he's on and, well, sometimes he's not."

No shit, he’s not. His “breaking news” is over half a century old. Your source just made me look ridiculous in front of my readers.


“You don’t need help looking ridiculous, Intrigue. You do a good enough job of that yourself, you fucking sally. Go fuck yourself.”

So, it’s come to that. Getting told to “go fuck yourself” by a washed-up, Jonathan Taylor-Thomas on the World Wide Internet. Ignominious.

Ignominious and…

INTRIGUING!

What It Is In Vids: Volume One

As you may be aware, there is a source of entertainment on this planet called "video games." Some humans use video games as their ticket to escapism. Humans use consoles or PCs to play virtual basketball, drive virtual #77 Subaru Cusco Advan Imprezas, nimbly avoid virtual fried eggs in an attempt to construct giant virtual hamburgers and, of course, save virtual hot-ass princesses that put out.

For those not aware that video games exist, I’ll let Slick Rick briefly break down the advent for you.

Slick Rick? If you please?

"Here we go…
Once upon a time, not long ago,
When people played charades and lived life slow.
When pants were bells and justice stood,
And people were entertained like they ought ta good.
There lived a man named Allan Alcorn
Whose dreams included things like getting high scores - said,
'A-tar-i’s gonna make some cash.
Sellin’ that Pong and makin’ the dash…'
They sold that Pong and money came with ease
And out popped the V.G. industry.
Then Atari made anotha and a sista and a brotha
Got their parents on board and this fun was discovered…”

Ok, that’s enough. Now that I’ve stolen a chunk of your brain matter and stamped “video games” on it, you’ll be happy to know updates will be squeezed into that brain matter on a semi-regular basis in volumes titled “What It Is in Vids”. This is the first volume. DON’T WORRY! The first volume will hurt a little, but it won’t last long. After this one, you’ll notice that each subsequent volume will feel better and better. While the volumes won’t be informative or helpful, they will certainly deliver a nougat-filled center of clever and a “YAY” or “NAY” from Uncle Intrigue.
Dragon Age: Origins


Dragon Age: Origins is a role-playing game (RPG) coming out next week for the PC, Xbox 360 and PS3. It looks like it will be fantastic in 5,000 ways . For those of you familiar with Baldur’s Gate, you probably already know about this game. For those of you familiar with Baldur’s Gate that DON’T know about this game, I’ve got eight words for you, “You should buy this game,… man… or woman.” (Fuck, why did I say eight words? That was close.)

This game has been in development for about 5 years. Needless to say, it’s highly anticipated to those in the know. It will kill from a sales perspective and could kill from a real-life perspective, given the proper amount of acceleration and/or suspension of disbelief. It looks to be a deep, plot-rich, heavily detailed RPG that promises between 40-80 hours of solid gameplay.

What garned some attention and ire from the gaming community was EA’s use of Marilyn Manson’s opus “This Is the New Shit” in its initial trailer. Please view below for instant titillation.



Seem over the top and inappropriate for an RPG video game? No worries. That’s why Jesus created the Hawaii Five-O Theme Song.



To make my opinion known, old Geners gives Dragon Age: Origins a hearty YAY. It should be purchased and played at any cost. Don’t have a gaming unit? Fuck you, buy it. Business bad? Fuck you, buy it. Place got hit by lightning, huh? Fuck you, buy it. That’s not nice. I’m sorry. What I’m trying to say is this game will be highly pleasurable in ways both cerebral and spiritual.

And thus concludes the first installment of What it Is in Vids. Stop groaning! They all won’t be this long. I hoped you enjoyed it and have not evaporated. That would be disconcerting.

Disconcerting and…

INTRIGUING!