All major networks to completely phase out original programming by 2010
Diary of Fools News Service
Hollywood, CA-
With remakes of Knight Rider and American Gladiators already on the air and enjoying strong viewership, TV executives from all 4 major networks (CBS, ABC, NBC, FOX) and their mentally retarded cousin (the CW) have announced plans to halt all original programming beginning this fall.
The announcement comes on the heels of a study that shows that after 60+ years of sitting on their asses and mindlessly staring at the television, the majority of Americans will pretty much watch any piece of shit, just as long as they don't have to think about their job or take anything remotely resembling an active interest in their home life or world affairs.
Knight Rider '08- as shitty as it was in 1984.
"I think the success of our very own sitcom Two and a Half Men is proof of this," said a CBS representative recently. "As soon as a Charlie Sheen vehicle hits number 1 in the Nielsen ratings, it's obvious that people just want something to stare at from 7-10 (CST) so they can forget about the bitter cocktail of unrelenting tedium and shattered dreams that has become their lives...plus doing a remake of The Hogan Family saves us a shit ton of money."
Though the major networks will load-up their lineups with remakes of past hits such as NBC's The Cosby Show, starring Cedrick the Entertainer as Dr. Huxtable, it is only one phase in a larger cost-cutting plan.
"Eventually we're going to go with an "all test-pattern, all the time" format," shares Ted Brunson of NBC. "I smell a ratings smash."
Meanwhile, ABC will base its programming around it's newest show Shiny, Pretty Lights next fall. The program will feature 2 hours of shiny, pretty lights set to music.
Posts
