American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, America's Got Talent. If these programs show us anything, it's that Americans crave attention and judgement more than anything. And the more marginal your talent, the more attention you'll crave. The only problem is, there are SO many attention-starved, marginally talented Americans and so few judges of marginal talent. I mean, Simon and The Hoff can't be everywhere. That's were the DoF Superstar Showcase comes in. Each week, the DoF writers will select 3 contestants with a questionable supply of talent and an unquestionable overstock of delusion.
You, the DoF faithful, will then select the week's winner by leaving your vote in the comments section and emailing your vote to diaryoffools@hotmail.com. Why email too? Because everybody who votes in the DoF Superstar Showcase is entered in our new monthly T-shirt drawing, and we kind of need to know where to send the prize to (along with sizing info, etc.)
So, let's meet this week's Superstar Showcase participants, shall we?
Our first performers come into this week's Showcase as the undeniable favorites, and I think you'll see why. Performing live from the Queens Public Access studios, savor the flavor of Ellen and Donald as they perform their soon-to-be smash hit, "He Loves A Fat Girl":
Whew. A tough act to follow, for sure. But if ANY act can follow that ode to copiousness, it's the heavily-medicated Casio keyboard stylings of Ms. Jordan Thomas! Here she is, ready to blast your mind into outerspace with her show-stopper, "Mars".
All rrrright! And the Showcase is ON FIRE! And speaking of fire, ladies, make sure you have a fire extinguisher around for our next performer. He's guaranteed to leave your panties smoking. He goes by the name of Roy Al, and as he'll explain in the video, he'll be rocking you with his own distinct flavor he calls "Fresh Alternative". Performing his original song "I Found a Girl", give it up for Roy Al:
So there you have it. Vote early and vote often in the comments section and via email for your chance to win official DoF merchandise.
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12 comments:
Ellen and Donald get my vote!!!!!! I mean us large humans need to stick togeather..and thoses "jello" hips were to much not to vote for..
p.s. Jordon Thomas= Micheal Jackson mixed with a gay al green crossed with DeBarge(SP).
Christopher Thomas
@chris
yeah, i gotta agree.
and as for Jordan, I think you mean Roy Al. Throw in a little circa 1989 Bobby Brown and your assessment is spot-on.
Roy Al is way too good for this race.
But if Ellen and Donald don't win, theres something wrong with all of you.
There is forsure something wroung with me. Booya!
ps there is no u in wrong..
Damn you Blaine Fridley!!! After a careful reading of the post I'm assuming we're judging all entries in two areas: 1) Talent (of lesser importance) and 2) Level of delusion (of greater importance).
Ellen and Donald have complete domination in the delusion category and there for must win.
Ellen and Donald in runaway.
T-shirt, please.
I know as a highly-salaried employee of the Diary with a comprehensive compensation package, full health benefits, a company-matched 401(k), and diversified mutual and money market funds (plus all of the gravy I can drink in the cafeteria on "Taco Tuesdays"), I can't exactly win the t-shirt...But that doesn't mean I can sit out the vote. There's too much at stake.
So to that end, I've gotta go with the majority, and cast my ballot for Ellen and Donald. But not for the reasons you might think. Sure, they're hilarious and completely unaware of that fact. But it's their accompanist who really cracked me up. She's got worse rhythm than your Uncle Herbert at your sister's wedding, tying to get his groove on to "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang after twelve Whiskey Sours.
i dunno…i think that second chick is a special kind of crazy. but in the end, she's no match for ellen and donald.
I'm glad I hadn't had breakfast yet
I can't vote as these videos are much to painful to watch...
however this goes along way toward explaining the the delusional voting that put us into the Bush years..
Wow...there is just too much going on in these videos in too many catagories. But I do think I will cast my ballot for Ellen and Donald.
Ellen and Donald all the way. It was the only one I could sit through all the way -- I kept wondering if it was going to turn into soft-core porno right before my very eyes. I didn't want it to, but if it had, I would have watched... It was like Sarah Palin -- So very bad that I couldn't tear myself away for a second.
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