Champions of Society - Ann Coulter: Cunt

Merton Sussex, The Merchant of Grooves

Ann Coulter neither needs nor deserves an introduction, especially not to readers of the Diary. But..for the uninitiated, Ann Coulter is, at least on paper, a "conservative commentator." A "pundit." Which, as is so often the case, doesn't really tell the whole story.

The fact is that Ann is SO "conservative" that she makes Strom Thurmond look like Abbie Hoffman. She thought "Mein Kampf" was a comedy. She espouses positions so far to the right that it's a wonder she doesn't tip over. Among her more egregious assertions:

She insisted that 9/11 widows, rather than having had their lives shattered into a million flaming pieces and then buried in rubble, were actually having the time of their lives. "These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis. These self-obsessed women seemed genuinely unaware that 9/11 was an attack on our nation and acted as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them. I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much."

She used a gay slur about former Senator and Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, saying, "I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'faggot,' so, [I'm at] kind of at an impasse, [and] can't really talk about Edwards." Being as this was an offhand slam on the reaction to the infamous Don Imus "nappy-headed hos" suspension, one can also assume she takes a dim view of the condemnation of bigorty of any stripe.

She even went so far as to suggest, with a straight face, that the United States ought to bomb every even vaguely middle-eastern country completely off the map in order to advance the national interest. "The fact of Islamo-Fascism is indisputable," she said. "I find it tedious to detail the savagery of the enemy . . . I want to kill them. Why don't Democrats? We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."

Yeah, really.

Would you trust this...THING...to baby-sit your guinea pig?
But it is precisely her extremism which is what confuses me about her. Something about her doesn't ring true. She just CAN'T be for real. NOBODY is that far to the right. It's positively cartoonish. Especially after all of the obvious damage wrought by the outgoing administration.

In fact, I've long suspected Little Asshole Annie an actress on the RNC payroll who's only out there to be a lightning rod for controversy; to serve as an extreme example someone even a douche like Trent Lott can point to in order to paint himself as a "moderate."

In any case, she kept quiet throughout most of the last leg of the presidential campaign, being as she was no fan of John McCain. Because she considered him too centrist. But now that we're poised on the brink of the inauguration of that most lib'rul'est lib'rul who ever lib'ruled, Barack Obama (or, as she insists upon referring to him anytime she crops up like a floating turd on Fox News, "Barack...HUSSEIN!!!...Obama"), she's back like a bad penny with her man-hands and Adam's apple to decry the direction this country is inevitably taking, now that the left is in charge. The fact that the catastrophic mess he's inheriting happened in the first place because the side of the aisle SHE fellates by proxy has fucked things up beyond recognition really doesn't ever enter her mind, it seems.

But.

The fact that she's a publicity whore who loves to sell her loathsome books full of slander (one of them, ironically enough, entitled "Slander") means she can't stop attention-whoring herself in front of audiences any time she gets the opportunity. Which just means that there are loads of opportunities for TV hosts, debate moderators, and her ideological opponents to poke her shit more full of holes than a Whiffle ball.

For your entertainment, I've chosen a few such examples below. Enjoy.

First, her recent appearance on "The View," in which Whoopi Goldberg surgically installs Ann an alternate bowel-evacuation aperture:



Here, recently-elected Minnesota Senator Al Franken uses his trademark humor to illustrate just how much Ann's hatred clouds her view of history, when each is asked which historical figure they would have most wanted to be:



Here's Adam Corolla hanging up in Ann's beef-jerky face when she dares to give him lip on his own radio show. Liquid brilliance, this:



Finally, modern Renaissance Man Henry Rollins writes Ann an open letter, proposing that the two of them enter into an interestingly unconventional domestic arrangement:



There's more, certainly...Lots more. Nobody who is as downright fucking stupid in public as often as Ann leaves in their wake a drought of mockable moments. But, I only have so much time on my lunch break. Blaine requires a specific quota of wallets be made before I receive my daily ration of gutter runoff and week-old KFC biscuit, and I'm WAYYY behind for the day.