Ever since she was a little girl, 40-year old Christine England dreamt of having a Shrek wedding.
Wait.
Shrek came out in 2001.
Let me start that over.
Ever since she was a 32-year old overweight cat hoarder, Christine England often dreamt of having a Shrek wedding to temporarily take her mind of a prematurely arthritic knee and crippling emotional pain.
The fairy tale finally came true this last week, when she wed sexually-terrified 44-year old Keith Green.
"I tried to convince my teenage son to dress up as Donkey," said Green, "but he wasn't having any of it."
Huh.
That's weird.
Why wouldn't a teenager want to dress like a donkey to watch his dad paint himself green and walk down the aisle with a Magnum® condom tip on his head?
Oh yeah, that's right.
He was already cloaked in shame.
[Ed. note: I have found very few image searches as comically fulfilling as an "angry teen" image search. Also, thanks to DoF reader J-Mizzle for today's CoS nomination.]
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5 comments:
I had a "Kill Bill" themed wedding. It was surprisingly easy to hire David Carradine for a very reasonable price.
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
The nice part is he comes cheap. The not-so-nice part happens when you get a couple of drinks in you, and challenge him to a game of "snatch the pebble" by the buffet line.
Have you ever spent a month-and-a half in a traction-assisted body cast? BECAUSE I HAVE. You get itchy in places you didn't know you had places to itch.
That dame looks like one of the green chicks from the original Star Trek let herself go.
Big time.
Wow, all those freaks in SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) now have somebody to sneer at.
Who'd of thunk...
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