DoF Chat logs: Vol 1.

From time to time (fine, everyday) we distract each other from the soul-defeating realities of this world to cultivate laughter via email.

Not what you get here is pure gold, but there is at least some amethyst, or maybe quartz in these emails.

This is just a sampling.

Barry Metropolis: "I think we're the only ones that haven't started our holiday weekend yet.

BTW, what's up with only saying 'have a safe weekend' of the big three summer holidays? Are there an inordinate number of drunk people who don't wear their seat belts and exceed the speed limit over those weekends? Are there more 'I didn't know it was loaded' incidents? Are there more unprotected, one-night hookups?

I don't know about you guys, but I'm as (un)safe this weekend than any other."

Reno Gruber: "I think its code for 'Drunkenly Drive with caution.' I plan on getting taxis everywhere.

(Which itself is code for 'get my friends to drive drunk instead of me')"

Merton Sussex: "I guess statistically, on the BIG holidays, people do tend to booze it up a lot more heavily. The Milwaukee County Mass Transit System used to offer free bus rides on Memorial Day, the 4th of July, St. Paddy's, Labor Day, and New Year's. Of course, it being Milwaukee, this hardly made a dent in the DUI rate. But at least they made the effort. And it's not like people waited for decent holidays to obliterate themselves. Arbor Day was just as valid. Shit, TUESDAY even worked for most of 'em.

There's a lesson for all of us in there, I guess. It just depends on which direction you wanna go with it."

Reno: "The lesson I extract is if you're going to create a beer-laden environment, be prepared for drunks.

Most cities its a weekends deal. Milwaukee, it's a lifestyle."

Merton: "I love Wisconsin. I love coming here. I've performed here, a lot because I've discovered that you people apparently have some sort of federal grant for drinking. You're insane! You pay less for liquor than anybody I know anywhere else in the country. Nobody pays less for liquor than you. What are you? I don't know if you're using that farm subsidy money or if you're just hijacking liquor trucks, but this is fuckin' insane. Is it volume? It's unbe-fuckin'-lievable! It's staggering!

I come here because basically, if I spend four days drinking here, even with the plane ticket, it's cheaper than drinking in New York.

How do you know when it's New Year's? That's the big mystery to me. What's the difference? I've been in bars here, and it's like New Year's every fuckin' night! 'Oh, New Year's, that when we, uh, drink with hats on.'

I've been drunker here than anyplace else I've ever been in my life. And remember this: You are NOT alcoholics. You, and, my hat is off to you...You? You are professionals."

-Lewis Black.