I had a great time visiting Alaska, that was until I got shot by Crips.

Let me state first that: I love the good ol' US of A. I think it's the greatest country in the world. Having said that, I can't wait to move out of this Godforsaken pustule of a country. One might ask, "What, good sir, has your blood in such an uproar?". Well among many things that make me shake my head, one in particular came to my attention as I watched a recent episode of "Gangland" on the History Channel. This specific episode was centered on the migration of bloods and crips to Anchorage, Alaska.


That's right folks, Alaska.


It seems now that even moving to the ends of the Earth can't save you from a savage beating for looking at a thug the wrong way. The shocking fact is this; many of the gang members aren't from Alaska. I know many of you would say "So...?", but this points out the obvious fact that these anal fissures of society actually migrated 3000 miles from places like LA and New York to Anchorage.


Something tells me that they weren't seeking the depths of the human condition like Christopher McCandless. Nor were they trying to remove themselves from society, like they should. It could only be this blogger's hope that like the aforementioned McCandless,they got lost in the wilderness and succumbed to their own bravado, dying a slow painful death. I guess that's just the optimism I bring to the table. Of course none of this has happened. 30 years ago, the Alaska Pipeline was completed. With the flood of new oil came the flood of new money, and the gangs exploited the new low crime/high wealth region like, well, like gangs to a new low crime/high wealth region. How predictable.

I find the idea of a new community (and I use the term loosely) of Black and Latino Crips and Bloods managing to not only survive but thrive in the harsh Alaskan winters quite puzzling. I don't know about you, but visualizing being held up by a Crip from South Central who is shivering violently while wearing a wool turtle-neck under his FUBU parka, a blue bandanna over a ski mask and barely making out the word "Homes" is kinda cute. Not to mention the fact that he is doing so as a family of Kodiak bears is foraging in the snow covered woods behind him. Of course the AK-47 in his hands would require cooperation from my end. Point goes to you, sir thug.

My laughter at this program stopped when I actually realized the scope of what was going on. These assholes brought with them the same drugs, the same guns and the same "gang-life" mentality that is destroying the inner cities of LA and New York. Honest, hard-working people are no longer safe from the drudges of human society. Alaska needs a super-hero, and something tells me it won't be this guy.



(I realize my Windows Paint skillz need work. But I think it's funny, so fuck you.)