A multi-part study of the behaviors, codes, customs and characters of the workplace restroom.
By Blaine Fridley
Study #1: Reverse Handwash Guy
For centuries, one simple tenet of basic restroom hygiene has remained constant: Wash your hands after you go to the bathroom.
Reverse Handwash Guy turns this paradigm upside down, washing his hands before he goes to the bathroom.
He does so, apparently, to keep from spreading germs and bacteria from his hands to his clean, pristine, hermetically-sealed dick. His shimmering-clean cock is kept in such a magnificently salubrious state that he scrubs up to the elbows (as if he's about to perform open-heart surgery) before touching it.
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8 comments:
Hahaha I have a guy that does that here at work!!! Next question would be... do you dispense towels before or after you wash your hands?
From a pragmatic standpoint, I've never seen the point in washing your hands after you urinate.
First of all, sure...You may get splashback. But it's URINE. Piss is medically sterile, because it's been filtered through your extremely-efficient kidneys. That means, in a technical sense, it's cleaner than the water you'd be using to wash with. That's why they always tell you to pee on your injuries if you're out in the wilderness and can't get to a hospital. If you're okay with the idea of a whiz-wash, you're literally pissing off the gangrene.
Second, it seems to me to be a pretty puritanical mindset to assume that your genitals are inherently dirty-filthy and you should be ashamed that you touched them. Whatever, Sister Mary Annette, you puppet of the papacy, you. I'm rather fond of my junk, thanks. And while it's hardly as though I'm sitting there stroking it in front of the porcelain, it's also not like I feel the need to be ashamed of myself because I've dared to lay hands on my giblets. There's nothing wrong with them. And, hey...I bathe, and shit.
I mean, let's be honest...If you don't know where your own dick has been, you have bigger problems than whether or not your hands are clean.
All that said, however, I still do it, so you don't need to wonder about whether it's safe to shake hands with me. But on some level, I'm irritated that I do. Because I guess that means that Pavlovian societal conditioning borne of paranoia, fear, and artificially-implanted guilt triumph over raw logic yet again. In fact, swab tests done to quell the fears of the "I'll-get-HIV-from-a-toilet-seat" crowd typically indicate that our FACES are far more crapped-up with wee beasties than, well, our asses. Hell, the only way you can get an STD from a toilet seat is if you sit down before the other guy gets up.
So at the base of it all, post-pee hand-washing is really just one more evil wrought by the prudes and the church that's really not been vetted by scientific research to have any validity.
But, I'm just an atheist hipster who confuses cynicism with insight, so take that for what it's worth.
Maybe he's afraid of where its been
Note to Self: Don't shake hands with Merton Sussex.
Ha. Great stuff. I love your blog.
I don't have a penis but I often wash my hands before I pee...but maybe that's just my ocd.
If I've been doing something that would leave my hands sticky or greasy or such, I wash my hands before so I don't get my clothes dirty. Then of course I wash after and use the paper towel on the door knob to leave.
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