A moment of clarity

With Reno Gruber.
(The Blaaaaa to your Dow.)

Now here at the DoF, we try our best to cut things the way we see 'em. However, as a comedy blog we don't have to be objective. In fact, I'm fucking great; lets start with that. Seriously, everything I do is completely just and right. I'm pretty decent at everything (except syntax and spelling, as you know.) Fact check that Anderson Cooper, you big hunky piece of gaymeat.

I assume our daily readers are most likely left-leaning, as most of my compatriots are card-carrying commies with their finger on the button to destroy the patriotic sanctity of this great nation. OK, actually they are observant savants that are pretty fucking tough to bamboozle.

I'd like to believe we'd run a much more"fair and balanced" rip parade on Obama if the man wasn't so perfectly adept at diffusing criticism of himself.

But out of the interest of our two conservative readers who must sit through all these hilarious joy-bombs being lofted, lets try to even it out. How do you go about making embarrassing stories about a person that understands modern media so well?

You run with half-truths, go on assumptions...or just start making shit up.

Did you know that Barack Obama once broke into a mall pet store just so he could put all the Betta fish into one 8-oz. cup and have a Royal Rumble? He did that. You want that guy running your country? He then broke into a Cinnabon and ate the delicious insides of all the Cinnabons, and left the less-delicious outer ring for us common-folk, that elitist cock-chopper.

True we don't know a whole ton about Obama, but really what's to know? I have a bunch of knowledge at my finger tips about McCain's creepy looking ass? No, maybe...I don't care. I don't hold any illusions about how much my opinion really matters in the grand scheme (awww, a pessimist. Sad face!)

But whoever we think you are, at least be clear about who you think you are. Sarah Palin has tried to fancy herself a quasi-Libertarian in the past (before all this crazy hub-bub.) Let's just say I don't take too kindly to her shit parade turning onto my quiet little block. She's about as willing to concede power to local authorities (despite that being her only experience to date) as I am to concede that the entire Burger King menu doesn't taste like rehydrated dog balls. (Its actually closer to lemur taint, but I assume that comparison would be lost on most of you.) If this women gets into power, you will see her try to make the same mistake special needs children make when playing "Risk."

For trying to crash my lonely party of delusional superiority, I shall take you down a peg, pretty face.

What better way to do that, then a little Mexican dancing to what sounds like Dolly Parton.

Never fuck with a bored Libertarian again, Mrs. Palin.