"I think it would be an outrage if we didn't prosecute to the fullest extent of the law, particularly people who live in the public domain ... If we didn't prosecute to the fullest extent, then I don't know who on earth you would."
It is a sad state of affairs when New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg is using these words, not to condemn the actions of the latest gun-toting serial rapist, purse snatcher, or crazed financial analyst to threaten Manhattan, but rather to express his outrage at the star wide receiver of the New York Giants - Plaxico Burress. A glock wielding football player.
Fresh off an epic Super Bowl XLII win in which his game-winning touchdown catch helped the Giants topple the previously undefeated New England Patriots, Mr. Burress earned himself a five - year, $35,000,000 contract extension going into this season. A pretty good year by any account.
Not content to, well, be content, Plaxico (named after his uncle, in case you were wondering) immediately pulled out his autographed copy of "How to Completely Ruin Your Sports Marketablity" by Dennis Rodman (with foreword by O.J. Simpson and introduction by 'Iron" Mike Tyson) and was inspired to (1) skip summer practice sessions while in the midst of a contract dispute, earning him a fine from the Giants,(2) engage in repeated marital disputes resulting in police twice being summoned to his New Jersey home, both visits resulting in his wife taking out temporary restraining orders against him,(3) fail to show up at a team practice during the season, resulting in a two week, one game suspension and (4)be fined by the NFL $45,000 for verbally abusing an official. I'm still waiting for him to release a rap album and be quoted as saying "Barack Obama doesn't care about Black people."
Not content to, well, be content, Plaxico (named after his uncle, in case you were wondering) immediately pulled out his autographed copy of "How to Completely Ruin Your Sports Marketablity" by Dennis Rodman (with foreword by O.J. Simpson and introduction by 'Iron" Mike Tyson) and was inspired to (1) skip summer practice sessions while in the midst of a contract dispute, earning him a fine from the Giants,(2) engage in repeated marital disputes resulting in police twice being summoned to his New Jersey home, both visits resulting in his wife taking out temporary restraining orders against him,(3) fail to show up at a team practice during the season, resulting in a two week, one game suspension and (4)be fined by the NFL $45,000 for verbally abusing an official. I'm still waiting for him to release a rap album and be quoted as saying "Barack Obama doesn't care about Black people."
Flashforward to this past Saturday night. Plaxico decided to head out for a night on the town. Already on the injured reserve list, Plaxico did not have any obligation to be physically prepared for the next day's game which he would receive roughly $687,500 to NOT play in. The Giants teammates he brought along with him? The probably should've been home in bed. Already caught up in this whirlwind of stupidity and gross negligence, Mr. Burress decided to make yet another mind-jarringly moronic move before leaving the house, tucking his .40 Glock semiautomatic pistol into his waistband. Upon arriving at the LQ nightclub in midtown Manhattan, Burress was asked to remove the bullets from his illegally possessed weapon and, while doing so, shot himself clear through the thigh.
And now Plaxico finds himself in the spotlight. Not for an incredible play or a record-breaking game, but for his ultimate bonehead blunder, the crescendo of his bumbling, idiotically composed symphony. This news is so big in New York that he garnered the front page over the events in Mumbai, the financial crisis, the Stephon Marbury Saga, and whatever Lindsay Lohan did Saturday night. Burress initially laughed off the entire incident, but after being arrested and facing a sentence upwards of 3 1/2 years, methinks there isn't much laughter in the Burress household. Even P. Diddy's lawyer might not be able to get him out of this one. Where, oh where is Shyne when you need him?
Cheer up Plaxico, I hear there's an opening at the center position on Big Rocco's Bruisers of the Rikers Island Penitentiary Shower Football League. And even if that doesn't work out, you will always be a Champion of Society.
And now Plaxico finds himself in the spotlight. Not for an incredible play or a record-breaking game, but for his ultimate bonehead blunder, the crescendo of his bumbling, idiotically composed symphony. This news is so big in New York that he garnered the front page over the events in Mumbai, the financial crisis, the Stephon Marbury Saga, and whatever Lindsay Lohan did Saturday night. Burress initially laughed off the entire incident, but after being arrested and facing a sentence upwards of 3 1/2 years, methinks there isn't much laughter in the Burress household. Even P. Diddy's lawyer might not be able to get him out of this one. Where, oh where is Shyne when you need him?
Cheer up Plaxico, I hear there's an opening at the center position on Big Rocco's Bruisers of the Rikers Island Penitentiary Shower Football League. And even if that doesn't work out, you will always be a Champion of Society.
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1 comment:
I just shake my head at fools like Plaxico. All you have to do is behave like the majority of society does and you will get an amazing amount of money for working about 175 hours a year and you can't even do that with getting in trouble. Amazing.
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