Diary of Fools Superstar Showcase: Special "Coldplay-garism" Edition

Merton Sussex, Glee Club President, 2nd Alto

Usually, the Diary of Fools Superstar Showcase is an opportunty for us to spotlight tragically-overlooked amateur acts who turn out to be purveyors of so-bad-it's-good "entertainment." But today, I've been compelled to shift focus a bit and use the powerful DoF:SS pulpit to highlight a different sort of tragic/comic phenomenon: The big guy ripping off the little one.

The culprit? Twee British vanilla-pop band Coldplay. The victim? Um...there's where it gets a little sticky.

First, a little backstory: Most people I know think Coldplay are a bunch of spineless vagina-fruit. Four tossers who are too afraid of actual music to plug in and write something with any real heft. A bunch of panty-waisted Euro-trash nancy-boys who seem incapable of shitting out anything that's not repetitive, limp, and totally devoid of anything resembling legitimate musical content. Y'know...Nickelback without the distortion. And, they're right.

But recently, it came to my attention that we will likely have to add a new charge to their list of transgressions. Namely, plagiarism.

Some of you might be aware of Coldplay's latest, um..."hit," a milquetoast ditty called "Viva La Vida." Even if you DON'T listen to radio stations prone to raping their listeners' ear-holes with simpering wimp-rock, you may have heard it on TV as the background noise in a commercial for iTunes. For the uninitiated, apologies in advance for this refresher course:



Sorry about that, but it was necessary. You'll see why in a second.

Predictably, given the general public's insatiable appetite for utter lowest-common-denominator mediocrity, the song became a hit. Soccer moms everywhere blared it out of the stock stereos of their minivans, and wispy-'stached college lotharios feigned interest in the tune long enough to drop the knickers of the hippie girls from their psych classes. Fair enough. But not long after the song made Chris Martin another gajillion Euros, the hit...hit the fan

See, it seems there's this indie band from Brooklyn called Creaky Boards. And they played a showcase gig some time ago for College Music Journal. A gig that, reportedly, Coldplay's Chris Martin attended. And at that gig, they played a certain song...One that has come to be about the most ironically-titled tune of all time: "The Songs I Didn't Write."

I'm sure you can see where this is going.

"The Songs I didn't Write" has a strikingly similar melody, rhythm and chord progression to "Viva La Vida," a song that wasn't recorded and released by Coldplay until over a year later. But, don't take my word for it. Upon hearing "Viva," the 'Boards recorded this video and released it to YouTube. Judge for yourself:



Pretty damning, eh? I thought so, too. I mean, sure...When you boil it down, there are only really seven basic notes on the scale, minus the sharps, flats, minors, octaves and such. So, a certain amount of overlap is probably inevitable in pop music. Even so, I figured those guys had a good case for Coldplay having ripped them off.

But, that was before I read about guitar demi-god Joe Satriani, and HIS recently-filed copyright-infringement suit against Coldplay. Satriani clains that "Viva la Vida" actually apes HIS song, "If I Could Fly," a guitar instrumental from 2004.

"Jesus FUCK," you're thinking. "Just who is stealing from WHOM here?" Well, once again, the proof's in the pudding. Check THIS out:



Well, shit. That's even worse.

Apparently, to prove an allegation of infringement in copyright court, the Plaintiff (Satriani) must prove that the Defendant (Coldplay) had "access" to the original work, and that the subsequent composition is "substantially similar" to the original. And...given that A) "If I Could Fly" was publicly-released, and that B) "Viva la Vida" is pretty substantially goddamned similar to it, Coldplay may just wind up surrendering all of their earnings from the single directly into the pockets of Satriani. In any case, it's certainly a strong possibility.

Here's to hoping Chris Martin's got enough cheddar saved up to buy Apple's school uniforms for next year. Because I sure as shit don't want GWYNETH to have to go back to work, and neither do you. Bitch has less charisma than a dish of room-temperature tapioca.

Of course, we diligent pop-culture mavens here at the Diary will be closely monitoring ths situation, and we'll bring you updates as events warrant. Unless something interesting actually hapens in the meantime.