Blaine Fridley, Editor-in-Chief/Dreamweaver
Why so negative, people?
Why so negative, people?
I know the swine flu has recently killed off 0.00002% of the world's population along with making approximately 0.000025% feel kinda yucky.
Alarming shit, I know.
To think that swine flu is responsible for more deaths than falling coconuts alone (0.0000004%) is quite unnerving. I truly understand your anxiety.
But take a deep breath under that surgical mask, Friend-O. 'cuz like, swine flu can be totally awesome, too. Yup. It's true.
OK, admittedly I've put all my "swine flu is awesome" eggs in the "possible death of Spencer and Heidi" basket. But someone has to have the silver lining, right? And if it doesn't come from the orgy of positivity known as the Diary of Fools, where else is it coming from?
I don't really know who Spencer and Heidi are. I know they're on some Zeus-forsaken MTV pile of shit where vapid stares outnumber interesting bits of dialogue 50 to 1.
They also have very nice teeth.
And according to People.com, there's also a chance that they could get swine flu and die.
Finally, a positive spin to the swine flu:
Though, my favorite part of this "story" doesn't have anything to do with the swine flu. It's Spencer Pratt's closing quote:
"Since it's a recession, we just might go to Santa Monica Beach [for their honeymoon]."
Yeah, Spence. You, me and that dude with 3 kids and a G.E.D. that just got laid off from the GM plant? We're all in the same boat, brother. Say hi to the guys at the Santa Monica Beach soup kitchen for me.
Dipshit.
Posts
5 comments:
I really hope they both die. If not from the pig bug, then maybe from dysentery. Or alcohol poisoning. Or getting hit by a runaway tour bus. I don't care. They need to die.
And I don't mean that in the hyperbolic sense that most people might when casually tossing off pat staements like, "Mom is gonna kill me when she sees my report card." No, I mean I actually, literally want their lives to end. In as violent and hopefully painful a manner as possible. They're both just the goddamned EPITOME of what's wrong with this country.
Those two proto-turbo-ultra-douches embody the reasons other cultures justifiably hate us: They're shallow, spiteful, apathetic, superficial, have no appreciable talent, rich and famous without having had to ever actually do anything, vapidly plastic, surgically-enhanced, coastally-elitist and devoid of anything even remotely resembling intelligence.
So when I say I hope they die, it's not just snarky, mean-spirited japery. I legitimately wish for them to perish. Whether through some horrible, gut-wrenching disease, hilariously fatal comic mishap, or raw, senseless violence, I don't care. I just want them both dead.
No punchline.
Oh Speidi...
I dont need them dead, i just need him to shave that awful blonde beard.
If you're that blonde, life shouldn't allow you to wear a beard.
Punishable by...i don't know, shaving?
Congrats, Merton, you and Pat Robertson finally agree on something! I, of course, don't wish them death, just that they'd go away. I had successfully avoided knowing who these hollow shills were until Blaine blasted them into my face (Damn you Fridley!!!). Hating these puff pieces only gives them greater importance than they deserve, further entrenching them into our culture. Mert, save the hate for those that deserve it…Neo-nazis, terrorists, PETA and their bacon-hating ways, and the programming director at MTV, without whom I would have remained blissfully unaware of Spencer and Heidi.
I had that comin'.
Post a Comment