Dear Mr. Gibson,
Straight away allow me the indulgence of stating what a big fan I am of your work. I've seen every single movie you've ever made, and in my mind, you're the greatest Australian actor of all time (better than Heath Ledger and Yahoo Serious COMBINED). In fact, if this was 1770s Britain, King George III probably would've sent you to Australia because having that much talent would've been considered criminal I'm sure! ;)
However, recently I've become rather disturbed with items I've read in the news concerning a divorce from your wife of 28 years. I find the matter so alarming that I have Cc'd your partner Danny Glover at his Maddam Tussaud's email address (where he works part-time as his own wax statue on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, plus every-other Saturday).
My unease is not trivial, Mr. Gibson. Nor should it be for you. Because what, Mr. Gibson, is to happen to your soul as a result of this divorce? Is it damned like the souls of those kitten-raping Jews that killed Jesus or made-up all that hullabaloo about the Holocaust? Or, even worse, is your soul destined to join those of the producers responsible for What Women Want when you inevitably die of a heart attack in the midst of missionary-style, reproductive-purposes-only sexual congress with your new supermodel sinstress?
Surely you are aware of the fact that like gay marriage, divorce makes Jesus drink. And when Jesus starts drinking, he gets really mean (kinda like the evil Superman in Superman III).
This worries me on 2 levels: your eternal damnation and the effect this may have on the possible production of Lethal Weapon 5. Will God strike you down before then? I shudder to even imagine, Mr. Gibson.
So please reconsider this divorce. If not for your eternal peace, do it for Lethal Weapon 5.
Thank You,
Blaine Fridley
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5 comments:
Was "Lethal Weapon 5" even on the menu? I mean, it's gotten to the point now where even Mel is too old for this shit, to say nothing of Danny.
That said, have you SEEN his new girlfriend?!? I thought the idea when you dumped the mother of your kids for some trophy tart was that you were getting someone hotter. She looks like a scrap of what the surgical team sweeps up off the floor after a long day working on Angelina, The Octo-mom and Cher. I'm not kidding...Just look at her:
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/04/29/article-1174749-04B99B8A000005DC-396_468x327.jpg
Honestly, how can plastic surgery addicts NOT know how waxy and frozen they look? Is their denial THAT strong?
Maybe she just likes being called "Sugar Tits" more than the wife. Who the hell knows?
Wow, Merton, that was a spot-on description of what she looks like. Seriously.
Imagine my surprise to learn that Mr. Gibson has made his Nambla email address public. If he keeps up this kind of stuff people might confuse him with a liberal...oh wait, that just comes from his associate membership in the catholic priest society. Nevermind.
Screw Lethal Weapon. Mel is not allowed to make any more movies until I get my Mad Max 4.
Not a bullshit Tina Turner & kids with bad grammar sequel either; I want a proper Mad Max.
Thunderdomes will be acceptable.
break a deal, spin the wheel
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