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Male model impregnates Halle Berry, anxiously awaits tangible proof that he had sex with Halle Berry

By Blaine Fridley

For years, Gabriel Aubrey begged anyone who would listen to believe him. But for the male population of planet Earth, his words seemed to be a proclamation of the impossible – consensual genital to genital contact with Halle Berry.

Sure, the 32-year old male model has had his fair share of sexual encounters with beautiful women, but to claim intimate relations with Halle Berry seemed to be a grossly absurd cry for attention.

Even though the painfully attractive Berry has been seen and photographed with various “boyfriends” over the years, the scientific community has long held the belief that even the very sight of a naked Halle Berry would cause a human male’s crotch to violently explode. This theory was backed up in 1994 when the crotches of 4 lab rats spontaneously combusted after viewing sketches of what scientists thought an unclothed Berry would look like.

Additionally, in 2001, over 1,800 men were hospitalized after their crotches exploded while viewing Berry’s topless scene in the movie Swordfish.

“It’s completely unbelievable,” said biologist James Ralpheson. “His is truly an accomplishment to be celebrated and remembered,” he continued before adding, “That lucky son of a bitch.”

Aubrey, who confessed to keeping his eyes closed and picturing a naked Michael Moore in order to "keep his shit together" during intercourse with Berry, echoed the enthusiasm of the scientific community, calling it “the greatest achievement of my life…and not to be cocky or anything, but it’s quite possibly the greatest achievement of mankind. No matter what happens between Halle and myself, whenever anybody looks at this kid, it’ll be a living reminder that I had sex with Halle Berry. Eat that, Tyrese.”