DoF Newswire: Breaking News

Study: Ironic Journey Fans to Outnumber Actual Journey Fans 2:1 by Year 2012
Concerts will soon consist of nothing but hipsters unknowingly making fun of each other, scientists say.

Your Headlines for July 28th, 2008

Latest from the DoF Newswire:

Heath Ledger's Ghost "Seriously Pissed" About "Dark Knight" Oscar Buzz
Says: "Oh, great. Thanks a lot, you assholes. That oughta bump up my paycheck for the next movie. Oh, wait...No it won't. Seriously, fuck you guys."

Cheney No Longer Even Pretending to Give a Shit Anymore
"Undisclosed locations" reportedly well known to call girls, coke dealers, and pizza delivery guys

Hipster Fuck Enjoys Tiny Sweater, Horn-Rims, Ironic Haircut
"I'm different," insists total douche between sips of Pabst Blue Ribbon

Your Morning Headlines for April 23rd, 2008

From the Diary of Fools Newswire:

Hipster turns out to be just some guy with genuinely bad taste

Wears Styx t-shirt with no irony, earnestly enjoys taste of PBR

Gang violence task force reports "good news, bad news"
Bad news: Deaths from automatic assault weapons continue to rise
Good news: Choreographed dance fighting at an all-time low

Leonardo DiCaprio signs on to reprise role as "Luke" in Growing Pains: The Movie