Ricky Gervais wins the Internet

Ricky Gervais is funny. Elmo is cute.

Youtube win.

I Blame this on Watchmen

Last week while seeing "Watchmen" on Imax I was inundated with giant blue peen. Now, there is small green peen in the form of a youtube video showing some turtle doing sexy times with a shoe. Ugghhhh, and I just ate a salad for lunch, full of GREEN things. Barf.





Honestly, the close up was not necessary and what is up with the sounds that turtle is making?

Thomas the Tank Vs. Hip Hop

An enterprising DJ realized the theme for Thomas the Tank was 93 beats per second, which means it goes with just about every hip-hop song ever.

Set the instrumental of the Thomas the Tank show theme against an A Capella track of a famous rap song and you're thinking 'ok this could be pretty amusing. The juxtaposition of a kids show and rapper, oh you clever irony!'

Well our pessimism and boo-hooery aside; these men win Youtube awards in fuckoffery of the highest regard.

First we start with Busta Rhymes. This is NSFW. So get your headphones out.


Snoop- Drop it like its hot. The video is also a nice touch.


50 Cent- In the Club. Probably the Golden Chariot of Thomas the Tank mash-ups.

There are tons more on Youtube. Some great, some stupid. All a giant waste of time, which is a beautiful thing.

Hot Sh!t: TubeTilla-

The Internet truly is an amazing bitch. Not only can you find any morsel of vital information in seconds, but more importantly you can listen to all the music in the world for free.

The only whorish thing I find is that most of the good stuff that's easily accessible is something you need to go to each time you listen to it, most notably YouTube.

Then Reno had a genius switch: what if I combined the internet's sexy ability to find answers and apply it to my little quandary?

Ladies and gentlemen, Tube Tilla.

This little video explains it, but basically you download and install it from Tubetilla.com and copy the URL of the YouTube video. You then select the file you want (WMA, MP4, MP3 etc) and hit convert. Bam, the thing is done and you now have your video of that dope song you like in your library.

You're welcome, sexy readers.

Our President: Dodgeball Champion

Bush dodge shoes on press conference - Watch more Free Videos

Say what you want about old stuttering-tongue, dude can duck a shoe like nobody's business.

Think of each shoe as logical and rational policy during each term. Skillfully dodging both while staring blankly back at us.

Listen for the outraged young assistant in the background. "That's the President, that's UNBELIEVABLE!"

Really? Was it?


*The DoF in no way ever condones violence towards Dubya. Lets just say we don't find it particularly 'unbelievable' when Iraqis think about it.

I Have the Olympic Fever and the Only Cure is More Speed Walking

by Lucy Parker

Every two years the people of the various countries of the world gather in random cities to express their feelings of nationalism under the cover of official Olympic sporting events. This year’s Olympic opening ceremony lasted nearly 4 hours, cost approximately $100 million (although I have heard as high as $300 million), and was viewed by 1 billion people (that is approx. 15 % of the world’s population!). I didn’t watch the whole thing, I just caught the never-ending replay of the highlights, my favorite part was when the Chinese athlete selected to light the Olympic flame was hoisted into the air by wires and appeared to be running on air in his ascent to light the torch. All of this seems a bit over the top, don’t you think?

Call me Debbie Downer, but I personally think that all this man power, invested time, and ridiculous amount of money could have been put to better use. But hey, I’m not going to lie, I am a huge sports fan and enjoy the Olympics, they could just do without all the ceremonial bull. No, I do not want to watch acrobats create some work of art on a state of the art LCD screen, I want to watch the world’s top athletes duke it out, maybe chant a little “USA!”.

With that being said, there was a poll conducted asking people which Olympic sporting event they were looking forward to the most, 45% responded gymnastics, followed by swimming, etc. (actual numbers not really known, I made that up). WRONG! Yeah, yeah, yeah it’s nice to see Michael Phelps get his 27th gold medal and all but what I really want to see is Race Walking. That is correct, Race Walking is actually an event which holds world-wide standings and can earn an Olympic medal.

Race Walking is listed under the athletics category along with all that other less entertaining track and field crap. It is a long distance event where the competitor must have one foot on the ground at all times, the back toe cannot leave the ground until the front heel has made contact with the ground. On top of that, the leg that is in contact with the ground must remain straight until the body passes over it (thank you Wikipedia). There are judges present to make certain these rules are followed. It is quite the sight to see.






This is nothing to knock though. The top race walkers can cover a mile in less than 7 minutes. I consider it outstanding when people can run a mile in 7 minutes. And to top that, the events raced are no short distance, 12.4 miles being the shortest Olympic event. Men’s race walking became an Olympic event in 1904, and after several years of petitioning women’s race walking became an event in 1992. People actually actively sought to make this a women’s event! Imagine the plight of these women race walkers, standing in front of the IOC pleading their case. They should make a movie out of it. It’s not like they haven’t made movies about this sport before.


1966’s “Walk Don’t Run” starred Cary mother effin Grant in his last feature film ever. Okay, so the movie isn’t entirely about the sport, but one of the main characters plays a race walker too embarrassed to state which Olympic event he is in. Don’t be embarrassed, shout that shit from the roof tops. You are a top athlete in possibly the most entertaining Olympic event. Why is this not advertised more? Sure the Olympic Basketball team gets a commercial of them playing while Marvin Gaye sings the American national anthem, but what do Race Walkers get? They get mocked by Mr. T himself.

http://www.heavy.com/video/54047 Click for your viewing pleasure

Fortunately, there is a website dedicated entirely to the sport. http://www.racewalk.com/. They actually have books, DVDs, t-shirts, etc. Even better the DVD is actually a collection of videos intended to be used as a training tool. You too can “Race Walk Like a Champion”!