Your Headlines for January 7, 2009

From the DoF Newswire:



Breaking

Peace at Last! Palestinian-backed David Lee Roth Supporters and Israeli Sammy Haggar Backers "Agree to Disagree" on the One True Leader of Van Halen

Prime Minister Olmert: "Diamond Dave's jump-kicks are undeniably awesome.
Hamas Leader Moussa Abou Marzouk: "OK, OK… so "5150" ain't too fuckin' bad."

Health and Beauty

5 Tips for Soft and Manageable Hair with George Stephanopoulos
plus:
Anne Coulter's Home Remedy for Vaginal Odor

Obituary

Minnesota Timberwolves' 2008-09 Season Dies Young

Growing Evidence of God? (A loving, HILARIOUS God)

From the NY Post's Page Six:

WE HEAR...THAT although we didn't think it would be possible to silence Ann Coulter, the leggy reaction- ary broke her jaw and the mouth that roared has been wired shut...

As the DoF's own Merton Sussex so wonderfully put it: "it MIGHT make her lose weight, which would just make her Adam's apple more prominent. So at least she's got that going for her."