It's that day again.

So as we all know, about 8 years ago some pricks that were pissed at the ol' U.S. took a couple of our planes and rammed them into a few buildings. We at the DoF give a heartfelt "sucks, man" to anyone who lost anyone in that terrible Television event.

But steering away from the DoF and speaking only in my Reno pants; (which are generously let out in the crotch) let's tune down the Lee Greenwood for a second and use this day to also educate ourselves on why people hate us the way they do.

Is it because of our "freeedum" like ol' W. would preach? No. The particular brand of freedom he speaks of only really applies to old money white folk anyhow. While Muslim fundamentalists are generally crazy fucking nut bags (Seriously dude? Kill all that don't agree with you. The world may take issue with you), we need to stop playing the victim role on this one. Well, besides the actual victims. You go ahead.

But to those who merely watched it on TV, and use it as some aggressive battle cry for America; I have two suggestions:

1.) Read some history. Get a scope of how things actually work. Maybe check out "The Way Things Work" By David Macaulay. You need a crash course. In everything.

2.) This. You poor, poor man.

Granted, we've done some lovely things that the world powers in history's past wouldn't have done. I mean we let Canada hang around when our friends are over, even kind of treat them like part of the crew. We're pretty cool.

But we have wronged many-a-rebuilding nation.

and I'd like to disclaim "IN NO WAY DO WE CONDONE WHAT HAPPENED 9/11/2001, NOR DO WE SUPPORT IT OR BELIEVE WE 'DESERVED' IT." However, taking into effect all we have done to others, a logical man cannot be surprised of an attack.

I can comfortably say that whatever our government did was probably in the best interest for us, while destroying others. I understand this. However, there will be a reaction for every action.

I was going to do a buttload of research to kinda thumb through all what we've done, then I got lazy and just pulled up Michael Moore, which I hate doing since he totally makes this look like some commie-lefty statement when all I'm trying to say is that we're no angels.



My point is this. To have a day of remembrance is dope. My point is NOT to shit all over that. Those people didn't deserve to die. Nobody deserves to die like that, and worse, to have whorish media companies have their biggest profit day ever, continuously showing 3,000 people murdered in slow-mo from 100 different angles.

But we must also understand this has a chance of happening if we keep pissing on bee hives.

Maybe instead we pull all of our military bases and the trillions of dollars we spend on overseas military bases, stop being the world's police, and start getting our country back on its feet.

Or, ya know, spend all the money we don't have on a war we can't win. Ya know, whatever.

This Day in History: July 14th

1789- French Revolutionaries storm the Bastille and signal the start of the French Revolution. Scholars maintain its possible they were mad because they knew how awful the movie "Marie Antoinette" would be 217 years later.

1099- Jerusalem captured by Christian Knights in first crusade. Many overheard saying, "what's the big fucking deal with this place, anyhow?" afterward.

1798- Sedition Act becomes Federal Law, and marks Alexander Hamilton as the 18th century's George W. Bush.

DoF Celebrates America's Birthday

8-bit werewolves are surprisingly patriotic, and tomorrow they will be making all sorts of little bleep-bloop approximations of howling at the moon in honor of the good old USofA, where they can finally have the freedom to shave their chests in front of shadowy cabals.

I'm sure by now you've heard the naysayers bitching about the fragility of our democracy ever since the Vice President turned out to be an evil mastermind, but may I remind you of President Michael Wilson's brave actions in that dark time.

If he had not courageously donned his highly advanced power-armor and singlehandedly battled the VP's forces, we'd all be drinking Darjeeling tea right now instead of proper oat sodas.

So bash the flag if you must, but you'll be spitting in the eyes of all the musclebound werewolves and mech-piloting politicians who gave so much to defend your right to do so.

Stop by GamesRadar for an exhaustive look at the videogame heroes who gave their all for Lady Liberty.

Don King's "Only in America":

THE PEOPLE, PLACES AND THINGS THAT MAKE THIS COUNTRY THE MOST FUCKING RIDICULOUS PLACE ON THE PLANET, BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE MOST FUCKING RIDICULOUS MAN ON THE PLANET HIMSELF.






#1 The Luther Burger


Some people call it the Luther Burger. I call it a moment of religious epiphanasity. A big-ass ball of ground beef smothered in cheese, topped with bacon and sandwiched in between two deliciously delectable Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Ostentatious, outrageous, uncomprehendingly calorific! First time I had a bite, I said "Kiss my black ass, Whopper!" You ain't the king. *I'm* the King! And this colossus of cholesterol is the fantabulific feast a King like myself deserves! You know what the Whopper uses for a bun? Bread. Broke, bland, weak-ass bread. You know what that is? It's outrageously, stupefyingly, systematically un-American! I'm a promoter of the people for the people and by the people and my magic lies in my people ties. I'm a promoter of America. I'm American people. You know what I mean? And you deserve better. That's right! I said it! Burger King is over there on his burger throne, in his bawdy burger castle with his harem of beautiful big-breasted burger wenches telling you - not asking you - what is delicious. And he says a burger in between two regular ol', weak-ass buns is tasty. That ain't tasty. My black ass smothered in butter and honey is tastier. I say it's time to dethrone this so-called king. He's scandalous, disingenuous, the bamboozler of bamboozlers!

This monarchical maniacal merchant of meat says I can have it "my way". Well ain't that some shit? If that were indeed the case, why can't I go to Burger King and get my burger wadded up in a grapefruit-sized ball and nestled in between 2 warm, sweet, heavenly Krispy Kreme doughnuts?

Move over, Burger King! You've just been usurped by the Luther Burger!

Only in America, my friends! Only in America!