The Day I Lost Faith in Humanity, part III

As further proof that corporations are not only catering to the lowest common denominator, but in a feverish race to create the lowest lowest common denominator possible, Oscar Mayer has come out with this brilliant new product. Read about it here as announced by Meatnews.com. Even more disturbing than the Oscar Mayer product is the existence of a publication called Meatnews, but that's a whole other entry.

OSCAR MAYER UNVEILS INNOVATIVE NEW PRODUCT
UNITED STATES: Oscar Mayer introduces Fast Franks, ready-to-eat hot dog in a bun.

Thirty-five seconds is all it takes now to prepare a hot dog. Thanks to Oscar Mayer Fast Franks, convenience is the name of the game as it now offers individually wrapped hot dogs in buns. Each hot dog is ready to pop right into the microwave, bun and all, courtesy of an Oscar Mayer patented microwavable tray that is designed to heat the bun so it's soft and warm--while at the same time fully cooking the hot dog.

Oscar Mayer has already proved itself in the hot dog industry with various products over the years including wieners, beef franks, corn dogs, cheese dogs, and XXL hot dogs.

"I think when most people think of hot dogs, they think Oscar Mayer," Natalie Mitchell, public relations spokesperson for Oscar Mayer Fast Franks, tells MeatNews.

Mitchell thinks this is a unique product in the hot dog industry. "What really sets it apart is the patented tray, designed to cook the dog just right," Mitchell said.
Oscar Mayer Fast Franks, available in meat wieners and beef franks, are in select stores now with full distribution anticipated for mid-August. Packages contain three hot dogs and buns and retail for $2.79 to $2.99 per package.

Finally, gone are the days when I had to schedule my whole day around hot dog preparation! Thank you Oscar Mayer! When I get the urge for pork/beef/poultry/raccoon bi-products and unpronounceable additives, I need them now!

Here's how this amazing new product compares with the old "snail" dog:

New:
1) Unwrap individually wrapped hot dog/bun
2) Put in Microwave
Total time: 45 seconds

Old:
1) Unwrap hot dog
2) Put in Microwave
3) Remove bun from bag, open bun (Jeez! The new product is worth it already!)
4) Put hot dog in bun
Total time: 50 seconds

This is great news, American public! With the 5 seconds you saved with Oscar Mayer's Fast Franks, you have even more time to discuss your favorite douche bag American Idol performer.