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Pepsi Max: The diet soda for men!

by Blaine Fridley, Editor-in-Chief/Leader in the field of masculinity

What?

Granted, I don't drink diet soda ('cuz it's for queers), but really? Diet soda for men? What does that even mean? Before this enlightening message from Pepsi, I had no idea drinking diet soda was inherently femmy; I just knew it tasted like ass.

So what is the secret ingredient that makes Pepsi Max more manly?

The DoF Investigative Team did a little digging and found out:

Burt Reynolds chest hair.

It's a fact: Each follicle of Reynolds chest hair contains enough super-concentrated masculinity to power 1.2 million Ford F-350 pick-ups for 1 month.