Lost passage from: The Book of Jenkins 3:18
And Jesus said onto the part-time Birkenstock Outlet clerk, "I tell you now that these sandals - of which I purchased not more than one day ago - have failed me. A faulty buckle is to blame, but ye, rectified would the situation become if you were to award the one before you now with store credit."
To which the clerk replied, "Your story moves me, but alas, we do not offer returns on clearance items, and my manager just left to get an Orange Julius."
With this, the son of God, overcome with the irrational emotion that so often dictates the actions of adolescents, blew up the clerk's head with a telepathic mind grenade before heading off to Spencer Gifts to brighten his mood with the purchase of a trucker hat adorned with foam boobies.
Later that day, upon hearing of his actions, Jesus' Uncle Ben sought out his nephew to bestow upon him words of counsel: "With great power comes great responsibility."
"You're not my father!" the Young Jesus snapped back.
Sadly, those turned out to be his last words to Uncle Ben, who shortly thereafter was shot dead during a carjacking that Young Jesus failed to stop.
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3 comments:
It's just a good thing Ben was killed before he could modify his will out of anger, or Jesus never would have inherited the fortune from the rice empire. And then he never would've had the money he needed to photocopy and distribute "Naza-Rage," the fledgling 'zine that would eventually become the New Testament.
hahaha... you can even see his "Christy-sense". well done.
now i want rice
I really like this post.
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