Saint Paul officially named the "Renee Zellweger" for 2008 election season.

By Reno Gruber, Weaver of impossible dreams




Mere hours after it is announced that Senator Barack Obama (no relation to Mortal Kombat II’s Baraka) has the necessary delegates to carry the Democratic Nomination, the Illinois congressman hurried to the megatropolis that is St. Paul, MN to make his first speech to an adoring, salivating, and possibly sexually aroused crowd. A strange decision maybe, but taking a fancy step backwards and you will find a glaring question that encompasses this entire election campaign. Why the fuck do you even care about St. Paul, US politics? You do understand its St. Paul, not Minneapolis right?You understand we’re in Minnesota…ok…and you’re still coming??No, that’s fine. You’re totally invited, I just don’t see why- ok welcome. Oh...well make yourselves at home then.

My candor shouldn’t be mistaken for shame; I love me some St. Paul. I live right downtown, walk to work; I even know the four places that are open past 5pm to get dinner. I scoff at those who claim Minneapolis is the better twin, with its fancy clubs, pretty faces and open establishments. A pox on them and their easy living. But my civic pride still can’t deride the fact that the only thing funnier than the Republican Party having their national convention here will be how much those same republicans lose by in November. If there is anything you can count on, it’s that Minnesota goes Blue. Always. (see also: picture.)

But for all the places Barack to be to build momentum, he chooses here? Does he think he’ll pick up a few more people for our electoral college, because I’m not sure that’s how it works? I’m pretty sure nobody knows how it works, but I do feel comfortable knowing he’s pretty much got Illinois, Minnesota locked down the moment they announced a Democrat was running.

But I do marvel at the possibility of seeing someone on the streets of St. Paul after 8pm. Actually, it kind of makes me want to move.


(Does that mean we have to make that squinty, just ate a rotten lime face?)