"As a life long resident of McDonald Land, I know the problems we face. Our crippled economy forces citizens to turn to the 99 cent menu. Our failing educational system produces graduates barely able to read the word jumbles on the back of their diplomas, and our police department remains ineffective in stopping both The Hamburgler and The Chicken McRapist.
As your new mayor, I promise to once again make this city a place where people are proud to find a spouse, to build a home, and to raise two all-beef patties, with special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions, and where people can afford the sesame seed buns they deserve!
I vow to super size our police force, keep our children safe from monsters like Grimace, and bring salad shakers to our high school cafeterias.
This is the beginning of a new era, and with your help, along with that of state officials, and the Fry Guys, we'll end the obesity epidemic, grease the wheels of democracy, and shake off bureaucratic complacency. Today we embark upon a menu for change. Together let's restore this city's arches, and make them golden once more."
"These cock suckers should really be executed." -Fred Phelps, Super Nice Dude Fuckstick, Kansas
"Everything that's wrong with today's 20-somethings."
- Some Asshole Blogger Minneapolis, MN
"...See? This is what I'm talking about. It's shit like this that makes people doubt my existence in the first place. Well, that and the fact that Mario Lopez keeps getting work somehow."
- God, Alleged Creator of the Universe
Hoboken, NJ
"I think it's neat how a group of retards can run their own website. A nice little story."
-Debra Goosingbunz, Social Worker Sandusky, OH
"Seriously, if I catch you people going through my garbage again, I'm getting a fucking restraining order." -Bootsy Collins, Funk Bassist, Cincinnati, OH
"OH MY GOD OHMYGOD IT BURNS HOLY FUCK IT BURNS GET IT OFF GETITOFF OH SHIT IT HURTS SO MUCH OHMYGAAAAARRRGH AAAAHHH!" -Some Guy Who's on Fire, Burning Man Festival, Black Rock Desert, Northern NV
"I thought this blog might be kinda funny at first, but it's nothing but name calling....a veritable thesaurus of insults." -Anna Nimity, Internet Spectre, Cyberspace
"You're a shitty writer and this site sucks dick." -Mr. Meh, Cracked.com reader, and apparent dick-sucking authority
Worldwide Love for the DoF (The DoF on the Interweb)
5 comments:
"Little Engine That Couldn't" made me ROFL. Nicely done!
I really hope that Facebook one is a joke, but sadly I know there's a strong chance that it may not be.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!
Not the hamburgler. He was my favorite. :*(
Mayor McCheese's Inauguration Speech:
"As a life long resident of McDonald Land, I know the problems we face. Our crippled economy forces citizens to turn to the 99 cent menu. Our failing educational system produces graduates barely able to read the word jumbles on the back of their diplomas, and our police department remains ineffective in stopping both The Hamburgler and The Chicken McRapist.
As your new mayor, I promise to once again make this city a place where people are proud to find a spouse, to build a home, and to raise two all-beef patties, with special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions, and where people can afford the sesame seed buns they deserve!
I vow to super size our police force, keep our children safe from monsters like Grimace, and bring salad shakers to our high school cafeterias.
This is the beginning of a new era, and with your help, along with that of state officials, and the Fry Guys, we'll end the obesity epidemic, grease the wheels of democracy, and shake off bureaucratic complacency. Today we embark upon a menu for change. Together let's restore this city's arches, and make them golden once more."
I heard that the Hamburgler was all mobbed up anyway.
Not a surprise.
Post a Comment