In a continuation of the nearly nonstop barrage of crisis scenarios encountered by President Obama since taking office last year comes word of a nationwide Eggo shortage, projected to last well into next summer.
"Well, fuck it all," Obama was quoted as saying upon hearing the news. "Here we are, still scurrying around, searching the black market and eBay like a motherfucker trying to scrounge up enough H1N1 vaccine and now… No. Fucking. EGGOS?! That's some bullshit, man. Straight BULLshit. Can't wait to see how I'm blamed for this on the Drudge Report tomorrow."
In making the announcement, Kellogg warned of chaos, bedlam and tumult spreading like "the warm, rich and delicious natural and artificial maple flavors of Eggo® Syrup" across every "crispy, golden, nook and cranny of this country," adding: "We all remember what happened during the Toaster Strudel Famine of '96. Let's hope we learned from it."
(Above) The 1996 Toaster Strudel Riots brought devastation to almost every major urban center in America.
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4 comments:
Is this only Eggo®s or has the shortage spread to store-brand versions? My kids could starve.
No worries countrymen!
Roscoe's House continues to stand as a bastion for all that is right with (chicken and) waffles!
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