Your Headlines for March 24th

Sports-
Steelers Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger meets with police in Georgia to discuss proper Southern Gentleman ways to molest women forcefully.












Politics-
Nation remains split on health care. 50% of the nation doesn't care while 49% of the nation strongly opposes. 1% thinks that the new Diet Sierra Mist cans are a vast improvement.












Fashion-
Skinny Jeans related accidents up 500% in 2010. Experts (me) say the real tragedy is that some survive them.















Television-
Rosie O'Donnell to return to television, proving once and for all you can never have enough lesbians doing daytime talk shows.

Arguments with Dinner Tables

by Eugene Intrigue, Concerned American/Wearer of Lacy Undergarments

I would like to briefly add to my friend and cohort’s recent post ("Dear America,").

While it struck me as odd that so many seemingly complacent people would so vehemently speak out against something as basic as health care reform, further understanding was gleaned from a recent viewing of the film 1984.

Chords were manically plucked in the film, underpinning society’s robust inclinations to adhere to party platform; often without general reasoning or desire of independent thought. In observing the recent outcry against health care reform, I found many of the detractors to be ill-educated as to the basic principles of not only Obama’s policy, but of general human decency itself. It’s as if Big Brother told them to fight this oppressive, “Communist” agenda, so as to preserve and maintain America’s ideals.

Does Big Brother have their, being the GOP’s faithful, well-being in mind when they callously blitzkrieg the President’s intentions? Generic logic would dictate to yes, whereas intelligent logic would dictate to a large and looming question mark.

My love for America and its populous is palpable and clear – much like Rudy Guliani’s speech impediment.

“Phuck ewe, Intewege!”

My aim is not to deride independent thought. My aim is to punch a fifty-foot hole in the smokescreen surrounding this issue, so subterfuge and hypocrisy are revealed and promptly neutered.

Please view 1984 for a 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc… time and try to distinguish my viewpoint. People are not stupid. But, through direct manipulation, people can be easily controlled. Work to gain your own viewpoint on health care reform. Perhaps you’ll agree that this is an issue that needs addressing - and perhaps the transparency of policy and encouraged national dialogue is the most “American” thing our 44th president has done thus far.

Intriguing!

We want healthcare! We want health--zzzzzzzzzzz

Finally, a protester we can all stand behind.

I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks.

Weekend Wake-up Call: Health Care

By Blaine Fridley, MD

The "debate" (read: political pissing match - "Red Team's best! No, Blue Team's best! {slapfight}) has ramped-up over the last few months.

(Above)Republicans and Democrats debate healthcare reform.

And during that time, a lot - A LOT - of bullshit has been disseminated over the cable news networks (nice change of pace, yeah?) about the best health care option for our country.

In the end, it boils down to minor differences between the Red and Blue Teams on just how, exactly, they'll continue to allow the insurance bullies to steal our lunch money.

Obama's plan is less of a relief from said bullies than a mandate to give in to them - ie "everybody has to have it." No word yet on how the poorest of the working poor plan on obtaining the money to do that. Obama has casually and cryptically mentioned some sort of government assistance with that, just not any real ideas.

The Republican ideas are just as bad, but they lack the President's (admittedly effective) egalitarian language.

Their-ahem-differences, though, have inspired painfully hilarious remarks like this bellylaffer from the King of Comedy, RNC Chair Michael Steele:

BAAAaHAHAHAHAHA! Motherfucker doesn't even waste 1 second on set-up, he goes straight for the big yuks from the moment he opens his mouth:

"We don't allow one man to roll the dice with our entire nation"

Allow me to retort:

Per usual, about the only person thinking and speaking logically about this from within our government is Ohio congressman Dennis Kucinich (the man who could be president if we could all just resist the urge to pinch his cheeks, tussle his hair and carry him around in our pocket, periodically feeding him Pepperridge Farm Goldfish).

He recently proposed an amendment to the healthcare bill giving individual states the right to create their own single-payer system if there's public support for it. And, as you'll see in this interview with DemocracyNow!'s Amy Goodman (the best g-damn journalist alive) there is plenty.