
Sports-
Steelers Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger meets with police in Georgia to discuss proper Southern Gentleman ways to molest women forcefully.

Politics-
Nation remains split on health care. 50% of the nation doesn't care while 49% of the nation strongly opposes. 1% thinks that the new Diet Sierra Mist cans are a vast improvement.

Fashion-
Skinny Jeans related accidents up 500% in 2010. Experts (me) say the real tragedy is that some survive them.

Television-
Rosie O'Donnell to return to television, proving once and for all you can never have enough lesbians doing daytime talk shows.

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