From the Diary of a (Kinda) Mad (Half) Black Guy: Shut up Torii Hunter

Oh Mr. Torii Hunter when will you learn to quiet that mouth of yours? As easy as it is to be a fan of your amazing play in the field it is getting equally difficuly to hear you whine and cry at every given oppurtunity. Whether you're complaining about "unfair" amounts of coverage given to big market teams, calling your teammates out for milking injuries, or telling the loyal fans of Minnesota that supported you for years that you thought New York fans were smarter than them, your ability to say the most inane things has slowly ceased to amaze me. Until now. Please read the following comments Hunter let loose during a recent interview -

"People see dark faces out there, and the perception is that they're African American. They're not us. They're impostors.Even people I know come up and say, 'Hey, what color is Vladimir Guerrero? Is he a black player?' I say, 'Come on, he's Dominican. He's not black. As African-American players, we have a theory that baseball can go get an imitator and pass them off as us. It's like they had to get some kind of dark faces, so they go to the Dominican or Venezuela because you can get them cheaper. It's like, 'Why should I get this kid from the South Side of Chicago and have Scott Boras represent him and pay him $5 million when you can get a Dominican guy for a bag of chips?'... I'm telling you, it's sad."

No, no, no, no Torii. What is sad is that because you can hit a baseball and cover center field as good as anyone in the bigs you get to assume the role of someone with an opinion that actually matters. Even more unfortunate is the fact that you could not have been more woefully wrong and ignorant in your statement, as you assert your ability to speak for all African-American players. Allow me to debunk your "facts" please.

1. "The perception is that they're African-American." - Qwhhaa? You mean to tell me that you think the majority of America thinks that guys with names like Soriano, Sosa, and Ortiz are African-American? Maybe I'm a bit behind the times but I believe it's pretty common knowledge that these guys are not. Though I must admit, I was pretty darn surprised to find out that Bernie Williams hailed from Puerto Rico. He might have been a plant. I'll give you that much.

2. "What color is Vladimir Guerrero? Is he a black player?" - Yes he is Torii. Many occupants of the Caribbean Islands descend from the very same African slave trade that you do. They are black Torri, just like you. Well no, not just like. They don't all have overblown inferiority complexes.

3. "It's like they had to get some kind of dark faces, so they go to the Dominican or Venezuela because you can get them cheaper." - Really Torii?
David Ortiz - $13mil per
Manny Ramirez - $20mil per
Vladimir Guerrero - $15mil per
That's a lot of effin potato chips buddy...

Look Torii Hunter, you're an idiot. I know it, you might not know it, but now a whole lot more people know it. So do us all a favor and shut up before I get even more (kinda) mad.