Friday, August 15, 2008

Your Headlines for August 15, 2008: Olympic Edition

From DoF Newswire:

Chinese gymnastics internment camp survivor wins bronze








Fashion judges deduct five-tenths of a point for Nastia Liukin's use of scrunchy




Michael Phelps 12,000 calorie-a-day diet becomes newest U.S. craze
Failure to swim 30 hours a week leads to massive heart failure in thousands of Americans following newest gold medal diet fad











Armchair judge criticizes U.S. balance beam routine; trips, passes out on his way to get another beer






11 comments:

Reno Gruber said...

Reno's locks of wonderment will never be mangled by a scrunchee (spell check?)

However, Natasha can...wait is she legal?

If so, shes hot.

If not, she's pretty.

Merton Sussex said...

I'm prety sure most of the U.S. Women's gymnastics team is legal. Especially in the south.

China's? They're not even legal to COMPETE, much less to play hide-the-eggroll with. According to local press reports on some of those girls leading up to the games, some of them are 12 or 13 years old...and the minimum age of qualification is 16. Yet, magically, like a newborn over the summer hiatus of an '80's sitcom, they aged a few years overnight in order to be "eligible." Yeah, China's exactly that medal-hungry.

It's hilariously sad that China thought simply forging their passports would help the world ignore the fact that they're INFANTS. I mean, sure. Gymnasts always look younger than they are, as do Asian women. But even a double-whammy like that can't camouflage the fact that a few of them still very obviously have their baby teeth.

Bunch'a fucking cheating cheaters who cheat.

April said...

lol!!

blaine_fridley said...

"However, Natasha can...wait is she legal?"

she's 19 years of age as the announcer creepily mentioned several times last night.

so, yeah, she's hot.

Tajmccall said...

Excellent. Because she served a purpose already, if you taste what i'm making.

blaine_fridley said...

@tajmccall:

if i'm right about what was made while watching the women's all-around final - which i know i most certainly am - i will respectfully but enthusiastically decline tasting said product.

Anonymous said...

I think Americans have been on the 12,000 calorie a day diet looooong before the Phelps fad. :)

Merton Sussex said...

Don't you mean "Phelps Phad"?

Whoo! Still got it! Ha-ha-ha!

Please kill me.

blaine_fridley said...

@merton

done and done.

blaine_fridley said...

i don't mean that. you have so much to live for, mert. like...that one thing. aaaand...that other stuff. i gotta go.

Merton Sussex said...

BLARGH I R DED LOL