Friday, October 16, 2009

From the Diary of (Very) Mad (Half) Black Man: Fuck You Keith Bardwell

Yes, fuck you Keith Bardwell. You simple-minded, backwoods jackhole of a human being. For those unfamiliar with Mr. Bardwell, he is a Louisiana justice of the peace who lovingly performs wedding ceremonies for the couples of Tangipahoa Parish - unless they're interracial.

Bardwell asserts that he is not a racist, citing the "facts" that interracial marriages do not typically last and that the children of these unions are not accepted by society. Oh yea, he also has "piles and piles of black friends." Yea, I've never heard that one before.

But in truth, I must say I agree with Bardwell. Interracial marriages do not typically last long and their children do have difficulty being accepted by society. However, in the U.S. of A. of 2009 most marriages of any race or combination do not last long. I cite declining morals and the media's proliferation of unrealisitc expectations of the blessed sacrament, you blame skin color. Po-tey-toh, Po-tah-toh eh? And if we learned nothing else from the late John Hughes it's that all children are going to feel rejected by society. Rent the Breakfast Club, it's all right there with nary a mulatto in sight. If you need to borrow a VCR just let us know, we'll bring one right over.

So,Keith Bardwell,take your can of Spam, milk carton of corn liquor and your 50's era social opinions and get back in your trailer. And please do shut up, if only for the sake of the children.

4 comments:

Merton Sussex said...

I have about as much patience for this kind of bullshit as I do for pharmacists who refuse to fill birth-control scrips on "moral grounds." You're a goddamned PILL-PUSHER, for Christ's sake. It's your whole JOB to fill little amber bottles with overpriced pharmaceuticals. So close your hate-hole and count the fucking capsules. I hope I never realize I'm standing across from one of them, or I'm going to jail for a hate-crime.

Oh, and Keith Bardwell? Fuck you in the NECK, you sanctimonious, judgmental pile of rancid, corn-studded horse-shit. You don't GET to. If those two people love each other, and want to commit their lives to a shared purpose, you aren't allowed to piss on their parade. You are only allowed to say, "I now pronounce you man and wife" like a good little boy, or there will be motherfuckin' PROBLEMS.

Merton Sussex said...

Y'know what? I'm not done. I just read THIS on CNN:

"Bardwell told Hammond's Daily Star newspaper that he was concerned for the children who might be born of the relationship and that, in his experience, most interracial marriages don't last.

'I'm not a racist,' Bardwell told the newspaper. 'I do ceremonies for black couples right here in my house. My main concern is for the children'."


Yeah. Totally, I get that. Children of interracial couples have a tough lot in life, man. Way to be a big ol' hero and look out for the good of everyone EXCEPT A CHILD OF A BIRACIAL COUPLE IS CURRENTLY PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED MOTHERFUCKING STATES OF AMERICA, ACTUALLY.

Not saying that this means it's gonna be sunshine and lollipops for every kid who "fails" the "paper bag" test from now on. We've got progress to make. But it certainly underscores his lack-of-point somewhat, eh?

blaine_fridley said...

"piles and piles of black friends."

hahaha! what does that even mean?
"black friends? why, yes! i have PILES of them, duder! in fact, did you know that if you were to stack all my black friends, one on top of another, that stack would reach halfway to the moon?!? It's true!!"

piles of black friends. the only time i can think of people quantifying humans with pile height is when they're dead. and that would be much more believable in this case.

John Marshall said...

Merton, Blaine -

Two very excellent points I regrettably omitted because I could have posted an encyclopedia on why this guy is a turd.

I knew I could count on the rest of the DoF to further tear him a new one!