There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GAY ABOUT THIS.

I admit...It was sort of sexy when they marketed this thing toward women. But the new "ShakeWeight for Men"? Well, I'm no homophobe, certainly...So more power to 'em, I guess. Rock on with your piston-pumping selves. I just reserve the right to point out that while I have zero problem with it, there's no point in pretending that this thing isn't somehow even gayer than Richard Simmons and Clay Aiken wearing pink feather boas and mesh half-shirts with the nipples cut out while Eiffel-Towering David Geffen on the Astroglide-sponsored float as the Pride parade snakes its way through the Tenderloin in San Francisco on Harvey Milk Day. Not that there's anything WRONG with that.

Or, maybe it's just that every single dude in this video looks like he soaked in a tub full of Crisco for a half hour before getting in front of the camera:



Feel the burn of the "rapid, short and POWERFUL thrusts" gentlemen! If you're not "covered in sweat" by "30-45 seconds into it," you get TRIPLE your money back! You'll find yourself saying, "I haven't had a pump like this for a long time!"

"Don't make eye contact...don't make eye contact...SHIT!"

Note - It apparently also helps if you grimace with the effort of keeping the thing aimed at your face as it pumps away in your tight little fists: