Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Champions of Society: This Week in Food-related Stabbings

Pork 'n' beans?

Tasty. 

Not to mention, hilariously musical.

Pop Tarts?

The most delicious marriage of cardboard and high fructose corn syrup yet.

Like 'em both. 

I do.

But not nearly as much as brothers Willie Casst and Agusta Wells of Gillian, LA like their beans or Ms. Catheline Marie Colon of Tampa Bay her toaster pastries.

Go ahead. Try opening up that last can of Capt. Ken's without asking. 

That's a stabbing for you.


Yup. You guessed it. That's another stabbing.

Lesson learned?

Don't ever touch a man's non-perishable foodstuffs without asking.

Or else you'll get the blade everytime, motherfucker. Every. Time.


4 comments:

John Marshall said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
John Marshall said...

i was once forked in the arm by my sister for trying to take chicken off of her plate...i literally saw it enter and then vacate my flesh...i feel for both of the victims here

Squidsquirts said...

Colon, her name was Colon?
All men should learn to treat their colons with respect.

Askov Finlayson said...

Blaine,

The depth of your ignorance is revealed daily to plunge miles below the Mariana Trench. Captain Ken's, the most delicious of prepared baked beans, does not come in cans! See http://captainkens.com/. If you were half the epicurian you claim to be, you'd know nothing finishes off a snack of a two-pound burger from your favorite local sports cafe than going home and digging in to a tray of piping hot Captain Ken's. It's worth stabbing over.

Now, the Pop Tart thing is inexplicable.