Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Judges to Coleman: You Lost. Now Fuck Off.


by Blaine Fridley, Forgot Who He Voted for in the First Place

"Let the healing begin" - Norm Coleman asking Franken to waive his right to a recount after initial election day results showed the incumbent in the lead by less than 1%

"While our campaign remains focused on the recount, it's clear the Franken campaign is more interested in court challenges, U.S. Senate intervention, and making new commercials attacking local election officials." - Norm Coleman, November '08

Looks like the best advice for EX-Minnesota Senator Norm Coleman at the moment is his own.

After a state-appointed 3-judge panel declared Democrat Al Franken the winner of last November's senatorial race on Monday, Coleman now has 10-days to take his hissy fit/senatorial cock-block to the MN Supreme Court, wasting even more tax payer money and GOP credibility (oxymoron?) in the process. Coleman lawyer Ben Ginsberg (who HAS to keep a ready supply of shame-scrubbing Brillo pads in his briefcase) has already told the public he's planning on taking this dead horse - flies and all - to the Minnesota Supreme Court. I know if I were (MN Senior Justice/Greatest Defensive Tackle of All-Time) Alan Page, I'd probably say something along the lines of "Fuck your mother, Norm."

Elocution so often eludes me at crunch time.

(Also, whining to a man who lost 4 Super Bowls about losing just seems like it would be a fruitless endeavor.)
<<--- you wanna talk to THIS man about losing?

Lucky for me, there are other people out there who are much more capable of verbalizing their dismay with the situation then myself. Fellow GOPer and former MN Governor Arne Carlson calls Coleman's constant appealing a "gross misuse of the American judicial system."

Former Republican congressman Joe Scarborough also elaborated on his MSNBC morning show (Jesus H. Christ on a Segway, who the fuck voluntarily wakes up to Joe Fuckin' Scarborough?): "When are the Republicans going to give up the ghost on this? Seriously. Norm, I like you. You lost, OK? It is seriously not fair to constituents in Minnesota to drag this out any longer. It's over Norm, OK? It's over."

So what does this all mean to you US citizens outside of the Land of 10,000 Lakes? Basically, what Coleman's tax payer-funded (can't stress this enough) temper tantrum is accomplishing is delaying the inevitable seating of Democrat number 59 in the senate, 1 less than needed for a filibuster-proof majority. That's it. He wants the Dems to have to work for TWO Republican votes instead of one.

Everywhere ol' Normy turns, the reply is "You lost." Not because of voter fraud. Not because of miscalculated ballots. But because YOU FUCKING LOST. Politician "A" (Franken) received more votes than Politician "B" (Coleman). That's all. That's what the Supreme Courts - state or federal - will tell you too. Unequivocally. You FUCKING LOST.

So keep kickin' and screamin', Norm. Please. Your less-than-elementary actions may cost the Dems one more vote for the time being, but the votes your asinine behavior may be taking away from GOP candidates in future elections are steadily piling up.

If I was Ben Ginsberg, I'd say it's time to pack it in and start your new career as a Crest White Strips model as soon as possible.

Also, fuck your mother.

9 comments:

Tajmccall said...

Yah, both options are so ungodly awful that the irony that they are fighting over who's to be the next awful senator is pretty fucking rich.

If I had my druthers, i'd call the whole thing off and Ban Franken from doing anything but piss-poor comedy.

Did I mention I don't like him at all?

blaine_fridley said...

no you didn't mention that {subtracting 10 points from scorecard}.

a lot of people don't like him, and to be honest, i don't see why. when he was writing books and doing the air america thing, people would often call him the rush/o'reilly for dems, which, at first i accepted until i realized franken actually went through the trouble of gathering facts and sources to back up his partisan rants with some truth (obviously hyperbolized a smidgen for ratings/$ sake).

after a good, long look at dean barkley, i ended up voting for franken. my reason was this (besides agreeing with him on at least 70% of the issues: he has dedicated a large portion of his last 15-20 years calling out the BS from both sides of the aisle as a commentator. so, if he's smart (which he undoubtedly is) and has any thing resembling dignity, he'll conduct himself accordingly while in office himself.

Merton Sussex said...

I'm with Fearless Leader. I read all of Al's books, and the guy just plain gets it. He really has his head on straight about the real issues that need attention, and the reasons why. "By golly," I thought to myself, "he oughta run for something." Little did I know I'd actually have the chance to vote for him once he did.

Besides...Coleman's creepy Chiclet teeth give me the heebies. Also, the jeebies. Every time I see him smiling, it reminds me of the sleazeball Matt Dillon played in "There's Something About Mary." Yeah, his teeth before were tragic and frightened children, but I've seen blinged-out ghetto grill-fronts that were less offensive and fake-looking.

Nothing about that guy is authentic. His snags are the front-and-center ambassadors of the concept.

Tajmccall said...

Anonymous and I are in agreement. They are both awful.

But Franken supports the expansion of the war and the imperialistic pursuit of our armed forces.

Dollars to donuts he votes for an expanded war in Afghanistan that will eventually teeter into Pakistan.

So yah, Franken can go get teabagged by Koko B. Ware.

Tajmccall said...

And yes of course he was against Iraq this fall. But now that Obama is keeping them there, he'll fall inline.

Then i'll feel bad for being right.

(hows that for preemptive strikes.)

Tajmccall said...

Basically I won't support anyone in the major two parties anymore, they are basically the same devil with a different mask on.

But thats why i'm the DoF's resident Libertarian nut-job.

Someone has to do it.

blaine_fridley said...

agreed. dems/repubs= pepsi/coke.


but franken struck me as someone who would have ran as an independent/other if it weren't for the fact that he actually wanted to get elected (sort of like ron paul running as a republican type of deal, only less so).

Askov Finlayson said...

Blaine, you damned fool, Arne Carlson isn't a Republican anymore, just an independent (no affiliated with the Indepence Party). I like Franken's book, they were funny, honest, fact-filled and completely unlike the campaign he ran. I was hopeful when I heard Franken was running, and then I saw the campaign…using the exact same shenanigans he decried in his books. Even though the worst ads run for him were created on a national level, he kept mum and let them go on the chance they'd garner him a few votes.

Any ads run the by RNC for Coleman, Franken was usually able to answer and blame Coleman for.

In the course of the election Franken became the exact same political whore he's lampooned so brilliantly for years. Alannis Morisette may call that ironic, I call it disappointing. At this point I'm hoping Pawlenty goes on a Tequila bender and appoints Arne Carlson who's common sense and stake in the middle ground survived multiple terms as governor and set up Minnesota for a run at greatness that has since been destroyed by Jesse Ventura, Tim Pawlenty and the political hacks in our state Congress.

blaine_fridley said...

"Even though the worst ads run for him were created on a national level, he kept mum and let them go on the chance they'd garner him a few votes."

-- very true, askov. it was a huge reason i gave barkley a dance for a while after initially supporting franken. it was disappointing to see.