Friday, April 17, 2009

Jamaica: Land of Reggae, Home of Broken Dicks

In a very funny story that has very painful consequences, Jamaican clinics are reporting a notable increase in cock fractures. (I believe that is the professional term.) According to Nationnews.com, which apparently is Barbados' #1 news paper, the penis breaks are attributed to "men's obsession with daggerin', aka rough sex."

Basically a penile fracture happens when a blunt trauma is inflected onto our glorious boners.
(ed note: Hahahaha. Boners. It never gets old, does it?)

But yeah, fucking ouch.

So this leads ol' Reno to this point; Surely most of you know I'm like Usher, in that I just like to take things nice and slowwwwww. Especially the sex, so as someone who has little to no threat of this, I kinda laugh. I shudder to think of a bent cock, but fucking 'Grey's Anatomy' covered this already, so its only in the irony life provides that its now happening in real life.

I'd quote Life imitating Art, but calling 'Grey's Anatomy' Art is like calling my farts music.

See, maybe its just because of my greatness, but I've found the harder you go generally has little to do with the better it feels for her,(and most likely means you're raping her.) From a guy's perspective, unless you have some sort of wool sweater on that thing, it's going to feel quite lovely slow, fast, forwards or sideways. So logically I just can't give much of a sympathetic ear for those who crack their wang "daggerin'" a woman.

Seriously, why any woman would want anything done to them called "daggerin'" is a bit astounding, but then again some of you put the most dangerous toxin in the world in your face to prevent wrinkles, so I digress.

No idea what this really shows, but I laughed at the x-ray that says "fracture penis."
It's the little things in life.

As I write this I'm doing research, and I find it can also be categorized as aggressive dry sex on dance floors. In that case I am all for cock breaking, because nobody wants to see two people crumping, let alone doing it while simulating sex.

If I could end world hunger or delete the idea of crumping from the populace, you wouldn't want to know what I'd choose.

3 comments:

Merton Sussex said...

Ha ha ha ha. Reno watches "Grey's Anatomy."

Reno Gruber said...

(It was notated on Wikipedia, I must defend myself)

Reno Gruber said...

But I will accept the name "McCreamy"