The Worlds Worst Song Kicks Ass

Some time ago I was reading Discover magazine (because I am the kind of nerd that the other nerds beat up for not being 'hardcore' enough... that is, if they could muster the energy between asthmatic gasps to actually commit violence against their fellow man) and came across an article about using Science! to determine how appealing works of art would be to average Joe Sixpack. While there was some fascinating stuff about the interplay between danger and safety, and how evolution has hardwired us to enjoy certain pastoral environments, the real meat came from a pair of conceptual artists who were using focus testing surveys to determine the most and least popular artworks for various countries. The least favorite ones were almost exclusively abstract works.

America's favorite painting

Where things get really interesting is in the realm of music. Using the same techniques, the artists created the most and least wanted songs possible. The most wanted song, not surprisingly, sounds like a focus tested shitstorm: a light, Jazz-fusion song about love with an inoffensively rocking guitar solo. It sounds like the shit I have to listen to against my will every time I take my headphones off at the office.

The least wanted song is clearly where the action is: a 20+ minute epic involving cowboys, politics, advertising, children, and whiplash inducing changes in pace and volume. All brought to you by the soothing sounds of bagpipes, tubas, accordions, children, and rapping opera sopranos. It sounds like the wails of the damned if John Waters was in charge of Hell.

I listened to the entire thing, and am going to do it again after I finish writing this.

Abandon all hope, ye who right-click here and select 'saveith-as.'