Thursday, May 01, 2008

Skeeball: Artform of carnival folk or crime against humanity?

South Carolina has bill to enforce games of chance on children's establishments like Chuck E. Cheese

Lord knows that a childhood full of targeting wood balls through elevated holes leads to a high murder rate and meth use. Look at the high number of ski-ball users in the Gary, IN area.

Its about time someone stepped up, and again the south have proven once again how they are at the cutting edge of safety in the scary post 9/11 world, where we all fear for our lives daily from random attacks from suicide bombers.

Say, just yesterday i got in a cab driven by a guy from Somalia. Do you know what they did to those pilots in Black Hawk Down? I was so scared I didn't even tip him.

Its about time we dealt with the real issues in this country, children starting gambling problems by spending hard earned quarters for so called "tickets" to buy plastic army men with those cool little parachutes. Where does it end America?

Thats right, with your baby dying from a suicide bomber because Johnny Bluestate voted for Obama.

God Bless the USA.

5 comments:

Merton Sussex said...

Y'know what, South Caro-Losers? Leave the kids BE. It's a scary economy right now, and kids can't learn from mistakes they don't make. Children need to understand the lesson themselves that it's not in their best interest to drop the equivalent of a months' allowance playing rigged games in an attempt to win a stuffed animal that the establishment bought in bulk for a quarter, and that some 7-year-old in a sweatshop in Bangladesh got paid a nickel an hour to make. As long as you take them aside after it dawns on them just how very fucking stupid this was, and tell them that there's a lesson in here somewhere about the whole depressing scenario being a pretty effective microcosmic simulacrum of the state of the global economy, they'll LEARN. And you want your kids to LEARN, don't you?!?

I'm not saying they need to cut themselves to understand the knife is sharp, or to burn themselves to know that the oven is hot. But the other extreme is being a helicopter parent who mummifies the little bastard in bubble wrap and a helmet for 18 years, tells them they're special and precious the whole time, then unleashes them on an unsuspecting world where the rest of us have to deal with their pink, narcissistic little notions-of-entitlement ass.

So, seriously...Cut that shit out. If you let them figure out NOW that risking lots of capital for little reward isn't bright, then we're raising a generation of kids who will still be casino-addicted, variable-interest-sub-prime-mortgage-having retards just like their parents.

Reno Gruber said...

While we're on the life lessons subject, if you need to teach them about the birds and the bees, instead of the awkward conversation...simply rent my 1989 classic "Mystic Cock Pizza."

Sure, the title was a little blunt, but we cover all the basics.

Is it that hard to raise kids these days? I think not.

Merton Sussex said...

It's natural you'd feel that way. Judging by YOUR "body of work", there isn't much it IS hard for you to raise.

Reno Gruber said...

oooh, a double pun?

I owe you a bomb pop

Merton Sussex said...

Oooh, a bomb pop!

Y'know I do love your little gifts. I just with they weren't always so...y'know...Phallic. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were hitting on me.