Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Day I Lost My Faith in Humanity: Volume XIX

Yes, I know what you're thinking. "Two 'Lost My Faith in Humanity' posts in ONE AFTERNOON? To what to I owe this splendid embarrassment of riches?" Well, I'll tell you. You owe it to the fact that the human race is piled collectively into a motherfucking rocket-powered handbasket aimed straight at the hoary, reeking gates of Hades itself.

My evidence?

Ladies and gentlemen...I welcome you to gaze upon the face of Evil. It belongs to my new "Least Favorite Person Ever" winner, narrowly edging out Hitler for the top spot: Mikka Shardai Cline.

You're going to loathe the ever-Christing
SHIT out of this twat within five minutes,
or your money back.

Seems Mikka here is something of an opportunist. That's why recently, while she was out bopping around with her sister, she thought she'd grab herself a soccer ball she saw roll away from a 13-year-old kid, and into a nearby bush. Problem is, it wasn't her ball. She knew it. And she knew she'd be yoinking it from a kid. She didn't care. But that's not why you should hate her.

After the kid lost the ball, the kid's uncle went to go get it...Where he saw Mikka and her sister also going for it. Why didn't the kid who lost it get off his ass and go get it himself? Well, I'm sure he would have loved to. Problem being, he couldn't. He couldn't due to the fact that he was confined to a wheelchair. But that's not why you should hate her, either.

If you're wondering what happened to the kid to land him in a wheelchair, you're already more human than Mikka will ever be. Evidently, the kid is in a wheelchair because he's awaiting surgery. The bushes into which the ball had initially rolled happen to be on the grounds of a renowned Texas Children's Hospital. But y'know what? That's STILL not why you should hate her.

In the ensuing scuffle, the kid's uncle wound up with the ball. Once he recovered it, he went back over to where his nephew was sitting, and put it back in the kid's lap. Now, until THIS point, anyone with a shred of a soul might think this is where Mikka bailed on her ball-collecting mission, realizing her horrible mistake: that the ball she was trying so hard to gaffle actually belonged to a handicapped youth. You might be tempted to hope that she would then go home, sit quietly in a darkened room, and spend a little time with some solemn introspection in an attempt to discern what had gone so horribly wrong in her life to result in her winding up such a repulsive person.

But that's because you're not Mikka Shardai Cline.

Mikka didn't take HER scavenged bounty having been returned to its rightful owner lightly...OH, no. She was gonna GET that goddamned ball. So, she and her sister sauntered on over to where the kid was sitting, and tried to gank it right out of his fucking lap.

Okay, you can start hating her just a LITTLE now, in order to get ready for what's coming.

For this part of the exercise, imagine you're the kid's uncle. You've just BOUGHT the kid the ball as a gift on the way over to visit him in the hospital. Where he was awaiting surgery. In his wheelchair. And you have just emerged victorious in a scuffle for the ball against some bitch and her sister who were trying to snag it. So, imagine your horrified surprise when you see these absolute wastes of perfectly good organs boldly march on up to your nephew, and try to forcibly knock it out of his lap after you give it back to him. Naturally, you intervene once again.

And what you're faced with next is these two unbelievable cunts WORKING AS A TEAM to try to take the kid's ball.

That's right. When Uncle gets all "Oh, HELL no," and goes over to defend the kid, Sister makes a move for the ball. She is rebuffed by Uncle. While Uncle is tussling with Sister, Mikka sees her shot, and makes a grab for it. Problem is, the kid is doing his best to feebly hang onto his gift, the little ray of spherical black-and-white sunshine that his beloved uncle had brought him that day to try and cheer him up. And despite his debilitated nature, he's doing a reasonably fine job of it. Too fine a job for Mikka's liking, apparently.

So what does Mikka do to try to get him to let go?

She swings at him with a closed fist.

TWICE.

And the second swing connects.

Do you hate her yet? I hope you don't. At least not TOO much. Because I've deliberately kept one very extra-special little nugget of info in reserve for the right moment, and you're going to want to save up some of that hatred.

When Mikka landed the punch, she didn't connect with the boy's face. Nor did she connect anywhere on his body. She, in fact, landed her fist solidly upon the kid's immobilizing surgical halo.

In case you're not familiar with what I'm talking about, let me fill you in a bit. A surgical halo is something you may have seen on TV or in the movies. I hope to GOD you've never had to see it on a loved one, or heaven forbid yourself. Because a surgical halo is a rigid, metal ring. One they have to screw into your skull in order to stabilize you after you've had a potentially life-threatening cranial or spinal injury. It's then attached to a support harness in order to provide your head and spinal cord the support your fucked-up neck currently can't.

Yeah. One of those.

That. THAT is what the full-force, closed-fist blow of Mikka's rage connected with. An iron ring, drilled into the kid's fucking SKULL, and mounted onto his shoulders with reinforced steel supports.

Set aside for the moment, if you will, the potential for FURTHER exacerbating a child's lifelong, debilitating injury because you've seen fit to use blunt force to defeat the stop-gap medical support system that is probably the only thing keeping him from paralysis. And when you manage to do that (I still haven't), then simply consider the pain. Or, more likely, the soul-wrenching, all-consuming, motherfucking writhing in torment, I-want-to-die agony.

Clearly, something catastrophic happened in this poor kid's life to land him in this state. And being as he's not old enough to be operating any of the heavy machinery that usually results in the sort of injuries that necessitate a surgical halo, chances are, whatever it was wasn't even really his fault. But he's still broken beyond repair anyway, awaiting surgery to repair his ruined neck, which means he's probably in considerable discomfort to begin with.

And then Mikka here has to come along and strike him. In his surgical halo. The one that's bolted to the bones in his head, and attached to expandable metal supports putting constant pressure on his shoulders. The vibration from the blow would then naturally resonate from Mikka's fist, into the ring, and then directly into his skull, and eventually, the site of the original injury, before continuing down to place acute pressure onto his already indescribably sore upper back. All this because she wanted to take advantage of him, and steal the soccer ball she KNEW was his; the ball his uncle brought him as a gift while he was recovering from horrific injuries. Injuries that weren't even his fault in the first place.

Okay. You can hate her now. Go ahead. Please. Because if this blog suddenly and inexplicably racks up a million views out of nowhere tomorrow, all of the readers hating her simultaneously would STILL not amount to the merest FRACTION she so richly deserves.

And just in case you think I HAVE to be making at least SOME of this up? That no single human being could be so thoroughly reprehensible? Here's a link to the story.

Mikka Shardai Cline? Congratulations, you inconceivable goddamned demon. You motherfucking blinding rage-inspiring ghoul. You are far and away the most horrible person alive on the planet right now. Out of six-and-a-half BILLION people all being varying degrees of disgusting to each other, you're the fucking queen.

Now come here. I've got your crown. And when I put it on you, I'm going to bolt it into your skull, and then hit it with a shitting pipe wrench a few dozen times. I hope you die. In a FIRE.

TWICE.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'll hold her down. You get the bolt cutters, the iron, and the car battery. Halfway through, we switch.

Anonymous said...

Maybe a relative of the female Negro that drove into the pedestrian so he was tossed through her car's windshield.

A Google search will reveal the story and all the lurid details.

She drove home and parked in the garage as the male, who happened to be a non-Negro (who knows if that made a difference in her sick self-centered mind) slowly bled to death while she partied inside her home and came out to check on the guy, who found the strength to beg for help, until he died.

She then obtained assistance from other Negroes to dump his body in a nearby park.

Of course, the crime was not a "hate crime" that is so popular and commonly used when a Negro is a victim of a non-Negroes actions.

Of course, the beloved "reverends" Jackson and Sharpton will make their well-covered-by-the-media appearances to condemn this Negro female's actions. Right? Right?

Wrong.

barry metropolis said...

obbop, have you been eating retard sandwiches again?

Frank White said...

Holy shit guys! A grizzled Korean War vet has somehow gotten himself sucked into a wi-fi equipped spacetime vortex and landed in the 21st century.

Nobody move, his vision is probably based on movement.

Merton Sussex said...

Hey, asshole! Thanks for reading the Diary!

Y'know, I don't believe in censorship. I don't believe in silencing, nor shouting down the opinions of those with whom I vehemently disagree. I feel the same way Henry Rollins does. LISTEN to your enemies. HEAR what they have to say. Not only does understanding their argument help you to clarify your own, but listening to their backwards, bullshit Cro-Magnon rhetoric also lets you know where they are so you can keep an eye on them.

And while I may not necessarily be able to derive a SPECIFIC location from your little hate-fulled screed, for the sake of argument, I CAN assume that your little firearm-stuffed backwoods red-state cabin doesn't enjoy the benefit of a wall-calendar. So in case you're unaware, it's the 21st goddamned century. So I also guess you haven't heard that flagrant racism is generally agreed-upon by civilized persons who possess measurable electrical activity in their cranial convolutions to be an instant hallmark of a given individual's indisputable imbecility. So, while you're certainly free to express your repulsive opinions, (especially inasmuch as doing so will no doubt dig you even deeper into the pit of indescribably disgusting social unacceptability), It would be deeply appreciated by the management if you'd do so somewhere else. Somewhere preferably as far away from here as possible. Because while we're usually shameless publicity-whores who will bend over backwards in order to gain readership, we stronly prefer that the members of said readership at least be persons who WANT to be enlightened citizens of the world. Thus, mud-dwelling, cousin-fucking, moonshine-swilling, hayseed-chomping, overalls-with-no-shirt-wearing NASCAR devotees whose teardrop-sized gene pools enjoy as much diversity as your average Klan mixer enjoy persona non grata status.

Ergo, "obbop," please feel free to consider this retort as your filigree-engraved, parchment-printed invitation to kindly pop off and GO FUCK YOURSELF.

blaine_fridley said...

obbop, you are a fucking lunatic.

while i wish you good luck in your pursuit for the '12 Dixiecrat nomination, i also invite you to fuck yourself in the anus with a splintered table leg.

Merton Sussex said...

Y'know, the more I think about this, the sadder I get.

I don't honestly think Boppy here is legitimately trolling. I think he honestly read this entry, and figured he could come here and spew his bigoted vomit because he'd be among like-minded friends. He assumed I was a smidge miffed at Mikka Cline NOT because she's a puppy-kicking, baby-eating evil vagina-host who literally beats up children in wheelchairs. He figured all of that was incidental, and I was in fact hating on her because she's black. I genuinely think he assumed that's where I was coming from, here.

And if he's the kind of guy who would look at two individuals, one who punches handicapped kids and steals their toys, and ones who's black, and honestly hate the second one more simply by virtue of the melanin content of their epidermal tissue...?

Well, that pretty much tells you exactly everything you need to know, doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

So, anti-civil and anti-social behavior is acceptable when certain groups behave in those manners.

Gotcha'.

Revel in your politically correct indoctrination.

Along with what I believe is sub-par reading comprehension.

Toss in pre-conceived beliefs and the aforementioned indoctrination and all I write is automatically nullified and the writer is vilified.

Doesn't bother me.

I still well-recall the "reverend" Jesse Jackson being on record declaring he feels better when the males walking behind him at night upon the city sidewalk is a white vice a Negro.

Then there are the numerous statistics regarding law breakers from the local to the federal level.

That along with my personal experience living in the parts of towns and cities containing folks from the lower socio-economic groups, often as an Anglo minority and, at times, being a minority simply due to being a USA citizen, has formulated my beliefs.

Of course, when those beliefs are outside the pale and do not merge with the politically correct mind-set the typical knee-jerk implanted rhetoric comes belching forth.

In no way can one judge behavior since non-thinking droids have the ease of disagreeing with the "racist" label.

Fire away ye brainwashed buffoons.

And do not forget the "bigot" and "xenophobe" labels!!!!

Merton Sussex said...

Nice to have you back, fuckstick!

By the way, do you know the meaning of the word "irony?" Because I do. Irony is when we refuse to delete your comments because we welcome debate, even from repellant sub-retards like you. But when one of US, say, Knarf, goes to YOUR little shit-slicked corner of the web to post a little dissent on YOUR blog? You delete us.

Way to actually ANSWER the criticism instead of shouting it down, you unbelievable penis! Hooray! We're better people than you!

I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and say that you punched up FOX "News" a few years ago, and then promptly tossed your remote into the left shit-mouth of your outdoor two-holer, right?

Do us both a favor, and don't bother answering.

blaine_fridley said...

"…often as an Anglo minority and, at times, being a minority simply due to being a USA citizen, has formulated my beliefs."

BAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Frank White said...

Oh thank you for opening our eyes great captain White Power.

Obviously we were blinded by our preconceived notions of not hating an entire people based on the actions of one cruel bitch of a member.

Oh wait, we had an entire post based around hating her guts.

Mikka Shardai Cline is the scum of the Earth regardless of what color her skin is, and you can join her in asshole village for trying to extrapolate trends for an entire race based on her actions and whatever else you've been reading in the crime beat.

Also, thanks for deleting my comment on your site. It's obviously bad form for trolls to use facts, logic, and citation in their posts. I now know the error of my ways.

If anyone is curious, I posted this link from the Libertarian magazine Reason that makes the simple and easily supportable claim that immigrants (legal and otherwise) commit far fewer crimes than the rest of us chuckleheads. But since Mr. obbop is such an open-minded freethinker, he merely assumes that those scary Mexicans are a bunch of thugs and deletes my comment, most likely without even glancing at the article.

Anonymous said...

No comments deleted. Haven't been there to approve comments so they can appear.

I still believe that this message board thread is chock-full of indoctrinated knee-jerk rhetoric spewing ill-educated Pollyannas with sub-par reading comprehension abilities.

Merton Sussex said...

"Message board"? This is not a message board, you fucking mongoloid. This is a blog. A blog in which we the staff of contributors mock regrettable trends in pop culture, politics, and societal movement. Think of it as a front-row seat to the grand opera that is the decline of Western civilization. The comments section is only here in the hopes that we'll be able to gather even more fodder for mockery. And, in that regard, you're doing a seriously splendid job.

And if we're nothing but a bunch of "indoctrinated knee-jerk rhetoric spewing ill-educated Pollyannas with sub-par reading comprehension abilities," then I guess that makes you a "doctrine of hatred vomiting backward-thinking Goebbels with nonexistent critical thinking abilities." All in all, I'd say we came out ahead.

Oh, and as far as my reading-comprehension abilities, you may feel free to ding them all you like, you dick-blistered idiot. As for me, I'm still going to go ahead and accept the opinion of the ACT test people. Being as I'm sure you never took it I'll explain. See, "Reading Comprehension" is one of the four sections of the exam, along with Science, Math, and English-skill assessments. And one of the proudest accomplishments I've ever achieved in my life was a 36/36 score on that particular section of the test. That means I DIDN'T MISS ANY. Nope. Not even ONE.

Granted, I didn't do too badly on the other sections either, achieving an overall average score of 32. But knowing that I've done at least one thing in my life absolutely perfectly makes dealing with the odd fuckup a little easier.

Not that you'd know what that feels like, mind you.

Frank White said...

Do you have any more meaningless buzzwords to string together sans commas when you just mean "liberals", or is that all of them?

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on the comment deleting, as I may have been able to see it earlier due to having created it, but since you are a neolithic throwback from the primordial goop of racism and misogyny who will automatically disregard contrary views as the "indoctrinated rhetoric" any further discourse is essentially futile for all involved.

In other words: "Seriously man, you and me, we're fucking done professionally."

Merton Sussex said...

"I swear you would bleed prose if I cut you."

I'm sure you're right. Even so, I hope we can refrain from testing that theory.

And you're a far more personable sort than me, Knarf. I'm not willing to give him the benefit of the doubt until he actually approves and posts your response. And even then, I'm sure the only reason he'd do it is to try and "prove" that he's somehow just as enlightened toward dissent as we are.

Too bad everything else he's written under-cuts that possibility so neatly.

Anonymous said...

Hey, did you guys know that bees can smell fear?

Frank White said...

They can also smell plastic explosives, but unfortunately hives cannot be reliably trained for military use.

The Mayo Clinic helped develop the transponders that the Pentagon then stuck onto the bees using (ironically enough) beeswax.

True story. Swear to god.

Paula said...

people fear or bee fear?

Frank White said...

Doesn't everyone's fear smell the same?

Fear is fear, right?

This is gonna keep me up at night.

Merton Sussex said...

I dunno about you, but MY fear smells like apples and cinnamon. I imagine bee fear smells the same as bee farts: honey and pollen.

(Don't ask me how I know what bee farts smell like. I'll just tell you it involved a lot of patience, and a high tolerance for nose-stings.)

EL5 said...

Thank you for moving this story forward so the public will see and understand what some people ( I use that word loosely) are capable of.. Thank you too, for giving my feelings of disgust, outrage and fury an outlet. There are children raising children who grow into women who don't have a decent maternal bone in their body. They possess a casual attitude towards pregnancy, children and raising them right takes too much effort. The result is this kind of monster.
My dog has better maternal instincts than some of the women who I see at the supermarket, on the train or pushing a stroller down the block. These kids are doomed....

Anonymous said...

I thought this blog might be kinda funny at first, but it's nothing but name calling....a veritable thesaurus of insults. But what got me is some guy actually bragging about his ACT score that he took in, what, 11th grade?

Actually, while I don't agree with obbop, I thought he/she had a point regarding the lack of comprehension. Despite the big 36 on the big test.

blaine_fridley said...

"...a veritable thesaurus of insults."

awesome! the best review we've had yet, anonymous... thank you.

as for mert's ACT bravado, i'm afraid he was actually being a little too humble. not only did he score a 32, he did it while bound in a straight jacket, wrapped in 100 lbs. of chains and submerged in a water tank.

blaine_fridley said...

Plus, he didn't get laid much in high school. So, like, give him a break.

Merton Sussex said...

Actually, I didn't get laid at ALL in High School. Once or twice before, but not during.

I've MORE than made up for it since, though. Funny how many bases charm and wit will help you clear once you've got a bit of practice.

blaine_fridley said...

"Funny how many bases charm and wit will help you clear once you've got a bit of practice."

… and a major credit card.

Paula said...

because you can order them flowers online.