Nadya Suleman, You're A Douche!

by barry metropolis, doucher savant

As if the stretch marks and breast saggage from five previous pregnancies weren't enough of a "blessing," Ms. Suleman felt it necessary to have one final pump to see if any embryos would take to her loose-as-a-goose uterus. The problem is, she already had six children, and she was in for a rude awakening when there were eight more on the way. Get the gist of it with this Dateline followup interview:

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1) It's really annoying when someone uses the "God told me to" or "this is God's plan" excuse. Not only does it weaken the argument's effect if it's used without restraint, but she also appears to have selective hearing when it comes to God's words to her. The woman had three miscarriages before she attempted in vitro fertilization. I guess God must have been prepping her ovaries for bigger things.

2) She seems rather carefree about the whole interview, even laughing at certain parts as if this was some fantastical game. Lady, you might need a good psychoanalysis.

3) My favorite line: "What human in this planet is capable of taking care of 14 independently without support from family, from friends, from church? No human is!" And that's true. Suleman is unemployed and has no source of income for her now 14 children besides the remnants of a disability settlement and food stamps. I have a rough idea of what her children's first words are going to be: "Gimme, gimme, gimme."

Doucher qualities: vagina like sleeve of wizard, unaddressed delusions, selfishness, and Jolie Lip Syndrome