Mom: I just saw on Fox News that a plane crashed in the Hudson River
Me: Don't worry mom, it's not terrorists, it was a pack of geese supposedly
Mom: (silence)
Me: Fine, it was terrorist geese from Iraq sent by Al Qaeda
Mom: Funny
Me: Stop watching Fox News
In all fairness, CNN was running the same headline of “Plane Crashes in the Hudson River” on their website. And I’m not sure if this is my general paranoia of flying that developed after 9/11 (for about 75% of a flight I am usually thinking I am going to die in a fiery air ball at 35,000 ft.), or the constant stream of up to the minute news, but my immediate thought was terrorism. I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of people thought that as well.
While I am an informed citizen of the world, I do limit my news sources, because they all tend to sensationalize stories to draw in viewership. And nothing draws in news viewership like fear. After I had that little convo with my mother this got me thinking as to how Fox News, more specifically Bill O’Reilly, would present the story of the plane crash. This is how it all went down in my head:
O’Reilly: Horror on the Hudson, all 155 passengers and crew members lucky to be alive after an apparent terrorist attack by a pack of renegade geese sent to America by Al Qaeda. Here is an artist’s interpretation of the terrorist suspects.
We’ve heard of the “Western Al Queda” but who knew they were so close to home? Canadian Geese, terrorizing the skies. Who are these Geese from the North? And, why do they hate our freedom?
Tonight we have with us a leading expert on Canadian Geese, Tom Miller. Tom?
Miller: Yes, Bill. It is nice to be here.
O’Reilly: Now Tom, you’ve been researching Canadian Geese for quite some time now. Isn’t that correct?
Miller: Yes, since 1975 actually. Almost 35 years.
O’Reilly: Any insight you could give us on this new edition to the global campaign on terror?
Miller: Certainly. What most people don’t know is that Canadian Geese have been terrorizing the skies of America for quite some time now. Fortunately, we have some tools to combat these cowards.
O’Reilly: What sort of tools are we talking about here?
Miller: It ranges from the basic to the sophisticated, from firing noisemaking projectiles to making wildlife areas they normally inhabit inhospitable to radar.
O’Reilly: Radar? Is this the best we can do? . . . Hold on just one minute Tom, I’m getting news of a video of the terrorist geese. Can we see that video please?
O’Reilly: Not only do they appear to be at some sort of training facility, they appear to be mocking us. This is appalling . . . we’ll be back after this commercial break.
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5 comments:
Back in Rochester, MN, I once saw a schoolyard the size of (at least) two city blocks completely blanketed in Canadian Geese. I can only imagine how much goose-shit there was the next day.
Did you see those geese trying to BITE the people with the camera?! Seriously, folks, how much more evidence do we need?!?! And Obama's going to close Guantanamo Bay?!
ducktanamo bay
Ha! Ducktanamo Bay...you silly goose!
Knarf touched on this. The recent blatant attack on the plane could merely be a ramping up of the attacks we've been suffering for years. Mainly the endless metric tons of goose shit they leave behind on their annual recon missions from Canada heading south every year (Big Science would have you believe it's "migration") Until we get serious and put up a three mile high net all along the border we can look forward to being overrun by illegal geese and their shit every year, until the Democrats start courting them and ACORN gets them to vote illegally to try to keep the Democrats in power.
Really.
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