The Day I Lost My Faith in Humanity, Part XVI: Hey, It's a FUCKING BABY, You Psycho

by Blaine Fridley, Editor-in-Chief/Just happy not to be talking about the economy

Remember this SNL bit?

Pretty funny, right?

I mean, a toupee for a baby? How outrageous. Really, who would EVER think of putting a toupee on theirohjesuschristwhy

Apparently, the maker of Baby Bangs™ (Nice name, by the way. I'll guess half of your visitors are disappointed child porn enthusiasts), oblivious to the concept of humor, saw this sketch not as the comedic effort it was, but as an egregious, gender-biased omission.

Suuuure, bald baby boys now have the opportunity to bring that Marv Albert swagger to their next play date, but what about the Sinead O'Colics of the world? What about the pain, the shame of being a follicly-challenged baby girl and facing your drooling, semi-cognizant, big toe-sucking peers looking like Vladimir Putin? Think of the mocking and abuse to be endured. Well, if babies could talk, that is. Hahaha...talking babies. Note to self: write screenplay about babies who can talk. What? It has? Fuck. Travoltaaaaaaaaa! {vigorously shakes fist to the sky as Travolta-piloted jet flies by}

But to truly understand Baby Bangs™, one should first learn the Baby Bangs™ philosophy:

Our Philosophy:
At Baby Bangs! we believe in the beauty (debasement) of childhood. Our unique designs are sprinkled with MAGIC! (SHAME!) ~inspiring (spawning) a world (a lifetime) of whimsical wonder (chronic self-doubt) and mystical magical memorable moments (and distorted self-image) for you and your baby girl to cherish Forever! For she is, and always will be,
Your LiTTLe PRINCESS (vehicle for achieving everything you've failed to do in your life)!

But what are the customers saying (yes, apparently there are customers)?

"Apropos in our image-conscious modern world"?

What? IT'S A FUCKING BABY! 

People generally tend to give babies a little slack in the image and style department. 

Unless, of course, they're wearing a toupee… then they're fair game.