1806: Having reached the Pacific Coast, explorers Lewis and Clark began their journey back east. 4 expedition members would die on a return trip that ended up taking 3 times longer than originally expected, thanks to Clark's insistence on seeing the world's largest ball of twine.1868: Governor Haight of California signs into law a provision that establishes the University of California, which persists to this day as a refuge for draft-dodging hippies, simpering dicks who smoke twice their weight in pot per year, and major-changing slugs who'd rather take surfing classes than emerge from the cozy, beer-filled, amniotic sac of academia into even the topsy-turvy bizarro-land that passes for the "real world" on the West Coast.
1775: Patrick Henry delivers his well-known pro-revolution speech at St. John's Church in Richmond, Virginia. His passionate words and delivery are usually credited with having convinced the Virginia House to pass a resolution committing troops to the Revolutionary War. Tragically, however, upon Henry's closer of, "Give me liberty, or give me death!", Rep. Clancy Q. Whiskerbottom of Felcher's Grove, a noted obstructionist, promptly stood up from his chair and shot him.
"For chrissakes, you assholes! It was a metaphor!"
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2 comments:
Actually, Henry's declaration was given during the fighting of the Revolutionary War while seeking leave to go see what was then the World's Largest Ball of twin outside of Boston. Apparently Colonists had been gathering twine for months at the top of the hill in hopes of getting a ball big enough that, when rolled downhill would simply crush the British forces for their discipline and for marching everywhere in very straight lines.
Hence the then-popular (but since fallen out-of-favor) expression: "Like a twine ball with Tory boots sticking out."
Nobody's really sure what it meant.
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